there is a time when we ponder and look at the current situation and say "is this really happening?"

in the past i've always accepted that i will do for others but never for myself. always the giver never the taker. but over the last few months, i've come to realization, "why am i not happy?"

you provide, honor those around, give up your self-satisfaction and endure the thoughts of what others perceive of you.

in a place questioning the right from wrong, wrong from right, leaves small to large traces of doubt.

pondering, am i about to make the right decision, if i do, will that hurt others? i believe it's time that i carry myself over the roads and in to a new valley that will provide new opportunities for me.

yes, my previous blogs had always describe or stated, life, love, but i never knew what i was saying till now. i'm going on 4 years, had a downfall when i moved over to strybild, then went back to atripla, granted, now i have to endure the readjustment of the side affects of atripla till they settle in.

but in the end, regardless of the fate that is upon me, i've decided, life is too short. i'm marching toward the half century marker and i've looked at my past, always giving. not anymore, ive decided, life is short, and those around who say they care, really don't, because they expect the normal routine you have given them.

loved ones have made me feel ashamed of what i have in me, but to prevail i must overcome their negative thoughts. i've decided, if you can't walk with me, then i'll walk alone. a very tough decision and yet the consequences may be painful, i have to move on.

i don't speak to anyone, but i believe this forum is one place i can express my feelings. no, i don't want a counselor or pity, just wanted to voice my thoughts.


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