Feeling really p-oed tonight at life. My hubby's parents were here this weekend and I happened to ask them if the girl that used to be living next door was still there. Hubby's uncle owns the trailer and since he's on the road all the time, he had let a girl and her five year old son live there for free for quite a while.

His mom told me no, they had moved out, stolen a bunch of dishes, pillows, and an assortment of other things and went to live with some guy. A couple weeks ago, the girl had fallen asleep and the kid set the house on fire. The girl managed to get the kid out and her bag of weed before it burnt to the ground. Now she's disappeared, no doubt to stay one step ahead of social services.

Now you tell me. Why the hell can a girl like that have a child and not me? How is that fair in the slighest?

It just pisses me off. And it seems like lately everywhere I turn I'm faced with babies. Everyone I know seems to be getting pregnant or growing their family through marriage. My sister is constantly posting pictures of Temp on FB.

Oh that's right. Haven't told that story on here. My sister is 32 years old. Two years or so ago, she texted me and told me that I was going to be an aunt again. (She already has three kids) Temperance was born six months later and my sister disappeared off the face of the earth. She didn't contact us again for another six months, and then only got ahold of me. When I asked how the kids and temperance were, she told me that she had given Temp up for adoption. A friend of a friend had adopted her, because she couldn't take care of another kid.

Three weeks later, despite my begging her to tell my parents, I ended up being the one who told them. I was pissed, and so were my parents. I've tried so long to have a baby, and she just gives one away? Then calls me, tells me this horrible secret, and leaves me with it?

And so now when she goes to see her, I get to see little reminders of that awful time.

I'm just so sick of it all. I don't have the money for invitro or adoption or hormone treatments. Why the hell can't I just be normal and get pregnant like everybody else.


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