last time i did CBT i think the therapist was a little inexperienced, so she really helped me with all the things like needing books to be aligned properly, etc. but i don't think she really understood the whole dwelling and thoughts aspect of ocd because she never mentioned it much and i didn't really know about it at that time, so i remember telling her that when it was dark, i thought a man would be standing just out of the corner of my vision, just waiting for me.  going up the stairs to bed, he was following me, then he was coming up onto the landing, i'd have to shut the door really quickly to get him out, but then he'd be in my room with me, on the bed, then under the bed, then i'd shut my eyes and he'd be standing above me waiting for me to look at him.  i had this for years and years, i had weird things like i'd have to keep my ears warm and somehow that would keep him from hurting me, so i'd always have to sleep with the covers just so, over my ears, and it affected what direction i faced in bed, etc. it totally froze me.  eventually it got so bad i just stopped sleeping at night, kept it for daytime, because he wasn't there then.  other people in the house were awake, and he wasn't there if they were awake.[br][br]

the therapist said she had no idea what this was, but it sounded like a child's bogey man.  i left feeling really surprised, because it clicked in my head that yes, it must have been an obsession that sprang from fears related to being sexually abused when i was a child.  and it was by someone who was a 'friend' who was 3 years older than me, not an adult or anything, and it did leave me very scared of dating, things like that.  anyway, i think it was a child inside just getting stuck and imagining the bogey man in the room.  and after she said that, amazing, he just stopped following me.  because when i thought about it, i started reminding myself he wasn't real. [br][br]

trouble is, so i didn't think about him again for like 7 years.  then a month ago i was on some forum reading about other people's trauma after having been abused as kids, and trying to offer some helpful sympathetic advice.  but then that night, for the first time in years, i dreamt about it.  well, i dreamt about it symbolically, i dreamt a friend got possessed and was coming after me to hurt me and i kept running for help but no one would come and finally i managed to fix things and get rid of him, but then he turned into a ghost, along with all these other ghosts, like figments of the past, and i was opening a door to let them all out, and then someone who was my dad was there, and asking me to shut the door, and i told him why it was open and he wouldn't believe me, and i was saying, 'why won't you listen to me?? you have no idea what i've been through.'  then a few days later i dreamt about it again.  and then what happened?  the man returned. [br][br]

so it's not QUITE as bad as when i was younger, because i know what he is, and i've been daring enough to just shut my eyes and let him be watching me, and just go about my business, but…he just won't leave.  passing the stairwell i'm convinced when i look down he'll be standing down there just watching me, like michael meyers in halloween, when i shut my eyes in the shower to make sure shampoo doesn't get in my eyes, well he's there watching me then, etc. etc.  i can't shake the obsessional fear, and it's causing me to do stupid little things, and i don't know what to do about it.  anyone have any similar experience and advice??