My name is Ron. I am 61 years old. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for the last ten years .But today something deep inside me exploded and I just lost it went into a rage, screaming and trowing things across the kitchen. I didn’t see it coming on. I believe that this had been building up just below the surface . I now not only feel depressed, I also feel a heavy weight of guilt, knowing that my sister and brother-in-law witnessed my melt down. A scene I’m sure they’ll not soon forget. I also have a great feeling of embarrassment, knowing that they witnessed a very dark and uncontrollable side of me.
I retreated to my room, laid in my bed, and contemplated my life and the thought of ending this absurd existence, this joke which I call my life, but I am still to cowardly, and can’t stand the thought of hurting those whom I love.
When I got sick, my life went into free fall. I lost my job, my home, my car, and my girlfriend. I am now living in the spare bedroom, in my sister’s house where I’m beginning to realize that this is the script I will be following for the rest of my life.
I’ve tried positive affirmations, just about every drug on the market, psychiatrists, counselors, Energy Psychology, treatment at the Amen Clinic in California, a holistic treatment plan, and received treatment at psychiatric hospitals on seven different occasions.
I now feel alone, lost, and staring at the prospect of a future with no hope of recovery.
I can’t believe this is happening to me, to my life.I shake my fist at God for allowing me to live this way, and for the absolute silence he has exhibited throughout the course of my illness.