Have you ever felt obligated to do something for someone? Have you ever done an obligated deed out of kindness? Or maybe out of sheer spite?
Why is it I feel like I don't get anything from being me anymore? The way things have been going, I thought I would be lucky to even get anything from my parents, and yet I'm included in family outings even if I don't wanna go. It's like their too happy to not include me. Thinking about it last night when I couldn't sleep, I realized something: My mom and dad feel like their obligated to do things for me.
I was sure that for my Sweet 16 I could probably get friends hanging out at the most (which I was totally fine with), then my parents come in and say "Noooo! It's your Sweet 16! You have to have something special!" And when I told 'em I really did care for much special, they kept insisting; They were obligated to make it special. Yeah, the party was fun and I got to hang out with my friends and my boyfriend, but that nagging feeling was still.
At the fireworks show yesterday, I had fun, but I could also feel tension between us because I/they knew my heart wasn't into it. Walking around today at some thing in Downtown wasn't great either, and I knew none of us really wanted to go. It was an obligation.
I don't wanna feel like whatever's done is out of 'manners' or whatever the devil it's out of other than kindness. It kinda makes me feel like I've done something wrong when I haven't done anything at all, y'know? I don't like that feeling. It also makes me sad to think my own parents, who always say they're gonna help me out, don't even take me seriously anymore and whatever they do is because they should.
I'm done with obligations. Isn't it time to step up away from that?