Hi, everyone!  I'm writing this blog to let you know exactly what it's like for me to have OCD.  I'm going to try to include as much as I can.  I'll probably end up going back and making a few edits, though, since I can never remember every little single detail at once.  Well, here it goes.

I'll first start off with discussing the germaphobia portion.  I hate germs.  I really, really, really hate them.  Sometimes it's not always the germs themselves though.  Sometimes it could just be the fact something's dirty or even just thinking about where it could've been.  I definitely go out of my way to avoid them and to protect myself from them and just about any little thing I do, there they are taunting me.  I think about it every time I open the door, flip the light switch, touch the railings (I will not hold onto escalator railings because of this- which is pretty dangerous), every time I touch the steering wheel, open the fridge, use the bathroom, use the sink, and it goes on and on.  I use a lot of both Purell and Germ-X, too.  For example, I'll use it immediately after I touch the buttons on a vending machine or elevator.  Or everytime I get off a ride at an amusement park.  And especially every time I use a pen to sign for the items I purchased.  That's the worst.  I also do not use metal silverware because of this.  I have plastic silverware in little individual packages.  I'll even go as far as to bringing those to a restaurant.  I also can't stand using a public restroom or anyone else's powder room.  It just feels so indifferent and disgusting to me.  I can hardly bring myself to do it.  It also feels really weird for me for an entire week if someone else uses my toilet just once.

Oh, and here's another big thing about the germaphobia.  I really hate coughing and sneezing.  Yesterday, for instance, I was at the movie theater, in the main aisle about to head up to the top.  There was one person sitting in the front row.  And as I was walking by with my nachos and cheese, she let out this huge cough which definitely shook me up.  I'd assume it was pretty noticeable, since the cheese nearly spilt over and all because of it.  And this other week at a baseball game, I was waiting in line to get a bratwurst.  This boy in front of me kept coughing and coughing and coughing in my direction.  I totally lost it after a while.  It was really embarrassing.  Also, whenever I walk past anyone, I always think they're going to cough on me.  It doesn't matter how few people are around.  And half the time, it really does seem like they do cough on me!

And now I'll talk about the organization.  To me, organization is everything.  I'll talk about my closet, for example.  The clothes are firstly divided into what type of apparel it is.  Like shorts, then mini skirts, then longer skirts, then dresses, and that sort of stuff.  Then, once it's in that group, I put them in rainbow order from light to dark.  I also have all the hangers organized.  The hangers are organized by what type they are and the size and color the label is, as well as the hanger itself.  When the hangers are not in use, they are hung on the top shelf above all the shirts.  (I have a massive-sized closet for a kids' room so I have a lot of room to work with here.)  I also have all the DVDs and books organized into ABC order as well.  I also make a bunch of weird and random lists or projects on the computer that take at least six hours just so I can keep organizing if everything here's perfect.  Oh, and you should see my Christmas lists!  They've always been extremely impressive.  They even go as far as to all the stores in the area that carry the item and what their regular and current sale prices are at the particular stores.  But anyway, although organizing is a lot of fun to me, it's also a huge challenge and task that I can't get myself out of.  Because if something that I know needs to be organized and doesn't get done, I can get extremely worked up and upset over it.

And I'm not sure if this corresponds with OCD, but I am extremely, extremely particular with time.  I always need to know what time it is, and if someone gives me a time that is "wrong", I get really upset with them.  I never round the times either.  Also, I like to set a lot of times to record random programs off the TV (Although I can't do this now because the DVR is fried… Stupid lightning.).  I always felt like I needed to record those programs and in episode order per season.  But that doesn't belong in this paragraph.  Anyway, if I know I'm going to miss something or there's a chance I'm going to be late, I just about flip out from the thought of it.  And I really hate it whenever people don't arrive at the exact time they said.  It's even worse when they're late.  Or if we're late to something.  I think I can say time rules my life.

And now I'll give you a brief history of when I was younger and dealt with this.  The organization started around age two (I was a very smart toddler.  I could even read by this point.).  I used to take out all the wash cloths in the house and fold them up into neat little piles.  I also loved organizing all the videos in to ABC order in pre-school and I was fascinated with our calendar at age two (which I eventually took and put in my crib to look at).  The organization continued on and on as I got older.  And one time, when I was about eight, I was re-organizing the cat food cans in the pantry.  Well, for some unknown reason, Mom went and messed them all up right in front of me.  I got extremely upset with her.  Oh, and I also used to organize every thing I could back at daycare and Tae Kwon Do.

As for the germaphobia, I think that started around age four.  I always knew how gross public restrooms were.  The ones at daycare were certainly no exception.  And I know by kindergarten, I didn't dare eat anything off the ground or even have that thought come close.  My neighbor across the street in kindergarten once ate this apple off his driveway and I remember thinking how disgusting that was and that I couldn't believe he would do that.  And also in day care, we were once all playing out in the sprinklers one hot day.  Anyway, this girl came over and spit water all over my bathing suit!  The daycare people had to restrain me because I was really going to go after her.  Oh, and there was this thing we did in third grade where this guest speeker came in and told us about the dangers of germs.  Well, he had this thing with him where you could apparently see the germs crawling all over your hands and asked us if we wanted to try it.  I was the only one not to volunteer as I was scared to death to see them on me.  Oh, and once in tenth grade, someone stuck gum on my combination lock.  Everyone was telling me to get over it and pull it off, but I couldn't and I was basically freaking out over it.  Someone eventually pulled it off, but I still couldn't touch that lock.  I eventually got the janitor to open the locker for me and I soon switched lockers, never touching that combination again.

Well, there's everything I can think of right now about my OCD.  And like I said, if I think of anything, I'll add it.

  1. Flaky 13 years ago

    Thanks!  Although OCD does get in the way sometimes, I don't always let it stop me from doing something I really want to do, like having fun!  I'll still go on roller coasters and I still love to swim at my neighborhood's public pool.  I try not to let things like this hold me back in life.  It's definitely a setback, but I don't want it to win over me.

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  2. Flaky 13 years ago

    Thanks!  I really hope I can overcome this some day.  I don't want to have OCD for the rest of my life (Who does?).  Hopefully if my mom ever takes me to get medicine, that'll definitely be another push in the right direction.

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  3. bluebuddha 13 years ago

    -My OCD is very different from yours…but I understand the pain that is causes you inside. That we all have in common. You stay strong, do what you can to battle this "beast"…and never give up. Be well.


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  4. Flaky 13 years ago

    Yeah, as we all know, OCD does come in many different forms.  And either way, it does suck to have it.  Thanks, hopefully I can get through this. : )

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