The quality of my summer "vacation" has declined. What started out as somewhat fun has become one big cluster.

First, there's my Dad. He's still in his manic phase and he won't stop working for hell or high water. He believes that however he goes about things is right and thinks that we should do as he says. So he thinks that we should all go to bed early, get up early, and work the day away with him. He's been yanking my brother's chain for help and today he finally yanked mine. It was only a matter of time and it'll only be a matter of time before he pushes me too hard and I get angry. Once I give a little, he tends to take a lot so it's hard helping with chores and whatnot because he goes overboard. You can't just do anything normal like, you know, clean your room, do the dishes, help with the laundry…somehow he always manageds to assign you a task that is ludicrous.

Then there's my boyfriend. We just can't seem to click and I feel somewhat suffocated. I guess I'm rather low maintenance…I don't need constant attention and sometimes that kind of attention annoys me. I've been playing WoW for a few days now almost nonstop. I usually do and then I burn out and quit for a while. This bugs him because he wants me to be available to talk but I just don't feel like it. Before WoW, I was drawing. Before that, I was playing WoW. And before that, I was reading. I check in during these activities but I don't hang all over him because I'm distracted. Between these phases, I become more available, it's just how I am.

When he doesn't get what he wants, I always feel bad. Even if he doesn't try to make me feel bad, I've just gotten into the habit of feeling guilty. So we finally had an argument two days ago and we haven't really talked since. When we tried to talk tonight, he sort of seemed to be in his "poor me" phase so it put me in a bad mood. The end result was him saying that since I was being moody, he was going to go to the movies because wah, wah, wah, he has to work again tomorrow. He only works a parttime job and, yeah, he hates it but hell, almost everyone works! And yet he acts like it's abuse!

I'm overeating obsessively, to the point of actual sickness. I'm still not sleeping right, I haven't gone anywhere, I keep making excuses. I think that's the worst part…the making excuses and getting nothing done. I'll regret it later and yet I can't stop.


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