I just need to vent. I don't come on here very often and am not a very active internet comunicator, however, I just need to talk, even if no one is listening. I just need to feel not so alone.
I went to classes today and I guess they weren't too bad, they're hard though and I feel just so completly over my head and it's only the first day back. The amount of reading and assignments is already daunting and in the end I really feel like it all might be for nothing. True, I could stop venting about my life, buckle down and get to work and that would eliminate part of the work load, however, I just can't FOCUS I feel so distracted today and so frustrated.
The part that is really frustrating me right now is the fact that I had to buy all of these textbooks and supplies for so much money and so now I'm practically broke. It gives me a headache just thinking about all the stuff I have to take care of this month alone. Then, the bank has this overdraft fee and I had enough money to pay it but I just forgot to move the money over beforehand. Synopsis; already broke now I have to pay more=me severly NOT HAPPY. Now I've been online trying to find a way to contact this stupid bank and figure out my finances and stuff and all the numbers I've called say "sorry not available, you have the wrong number" or something of that sort. When I did finally contact a number there was NO OPTION TO TALK TO A REPRESENTATIVE, like you know a real person. Financially, I feel stressed out and I don't want to ask anyone for help but I'm worried that I might have to. There is this worry; what if I can't make it? What am I going to do? What am I going to do this month? If I make it through this month how can I make it through the next?
Wow, really can't focus right now. Then, there is this issue of the fact that I feel like I am dealing with this all; school and finances all on my own. I feel so lonely and I don't know what it is about Valentine's day but with all the stupid, stupid, stupid decorations already going up and what-not I feel even MORE LONELY. I'm an adult, I should be able to live my life on my own but I just feel so empty and pointless. I don't have anyone to share myself; all that I have to offer with and worse, I'm twenty one and have NEVER had anyone to share it with, I've been alone my entire life. It's like when I hit the dumps and I already have enough to deal with lonlieness comes creeping up into my heart and intoxicating my being. I feel so unattractive and so worried that I'll feel this way forever. if you think that I'm sounding wayyyy desperate you're probably right, not even going to deny it. However, consider this, if you are desperate, that you really want to find someone to share your life with, how do you de-desperatize yourself? I've tried so hard and I try so hard to forget about it and forget about my worries about money and about boys but I just can't help it!