Well…I haven’t gone back to my therapist because I had decided to find a new one since I felt a bad feeling about my therapist and felt he was getting too personal and too close in an unprofessional way.  But then they couldn’t find me a therapist in or around my city while I was in the program at the Mayo Clinic.  And I haven’t been successfull finding someone on my own, either. 

I’m struggling. 

So maybe I need to just call my therapist and go back.  Give him another chance.  It took me so long to trust him…that it sucked to lose that trust.  It’s hard to find a therapist that you really truely trust.  But I feel like time has maybe eased my feelings about him just a bit. 

Of course, therapy is so hard.  Maybe not facing all of my issues will help me get through the short term better.   But that’s all I can hope for if I don’t find another therapist…short-term survival.

I’m sure others on this site have gone through this as well.  Give me a comment if you feel that you can.  Maybe my OCD is making me have "bad feelings" about him.  Maybe I won’t ever really trust anyone anyway.  Hell, I don’t even trust myself!

"The lights go out all around me.  One last candle to keep out the night.  And then the darkness surrounds me.  I know I’m alive, but I feel like I’ve died.  And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over…..I try to keep warm, but I just grow colder.  I feel like I’m slipping away.

After all this has passed, I still will remain.  After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain.  Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again and there’ll be beauty from pain.  You will bring beauty from my pain.

My whole world is the pain inside me.  The best I can do is just get through the day.  My life before is only a memory.  I wonder why God lets me walk through this place.  And though I can’t understand why this happened, I know that I will when I look back someday and see how you’ve brought beauty from ashes and made me as gold purified through these flames.

….I forgot how to hope, this night’s been so long.  I cling to Your promise, there will be a dawn.

After all this has passed, I still will remain.  After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain.  Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again and there’ll be beauty from pain.  You will bring beauty from my pain."

  –Superchic[k]

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