So its definately been awhile since I've blogged last – just alot of stuff goingon in my life right now. Start living at school in four weeks, where I got my single dorm room.Still very scared of going but thats not whats bothering me today.

Here in NJ its been hot as balls outside – probably not as bad as other places around the world I know, but for here its been really hot. Because of my clean obsession I HATE sweat! If I do anything that makes me sweat even a little bit I'm severly uncomfortable and need to shower right away. Lately its been so hot that just sitting in the living room makes me sweat. We don't have AC anymore.

I also don't like to be touched when i'm hot or sweaty because 9 times out of 10 the other person is hot and sweaty too! I take 4 showers a day to keep myself from feeling uncomfortable. So like always before they go to bed, my parents came to say goodnite tome and give me a hug and kiss. I stopped them at the door and told them I can't – they were sweaty, particularly my dad, and I just can't touch them. I tried to explain that it wasn't them – its me; but they still looked very hurt. I feel like such a jerk, but I can't do it! The sweat and the body dirt and….it just, I can't DO IT!! This is what puts speed bumps in my relationships. I don't like being touched, and I REALLY hate it in the summer. My exs have all said they felt like I was disgusted by them, and that they never felt like I really loved them because I don't like to snuggle and hug and stuff. I just can't do it. I want to, but even thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies. I just feel like i'm destined to be alone for that reason. Like i'll never have a good relationship because of it. And my parents think I hate them – even though they know my quirks. I guess I've just never freaked out that badly in front of them. I don't know what to do. I'm miserable.