I said my husband supported me, and he does try, but sometimes I guess he doesn't realize how serious things are to me. Its not because I'm a drama queen or anything, because I'm actually pretty laid back, its because he doesn't understand my "depression"

I've been working on some ways I can attempt to controll my depression until I can touch base with my new counceler, and they've really helped me. Maybe they'll help some of you too.

First, I try to avoid the things that depress me, that I am awear of. The concept of death, end of the world, loss of family members, things of that nature…I avoid the topics at all cost. My husband has a hard time understanding that when I say I don't want to talk about it, its not because I'm just being controlling and selfish…I honestly can't handle it.

Another thing I try to do is make myself smile. I've read somewhere that smiling, even when you don't want to, can improve your mood. Funny movies, jokes, stuff that makes me smile even when I'm not in the mood help a lot. And I avoid the stuff that's not funny like horror movies or movies about my depressive triggers. Another thing my husband doesn't seem to understand. Tonight I specifically asked him NOT to play a certin movie that bothers me. He knows why but didn't care. He played it anyway, on my laptop. I can't sit alone in a room with no sound to take me from my thoughts so I was forced to listen to the movie. It depressed me, as I knew it would, and also bothered me that he didn't care.

Getting away helps too. Sometimes I just need to clear my head. Like tonight, I grabbed the keys after I put my son down for the night, and hit the road. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to get out of the house. It helped a lot. I tent to day dream when I'm alone. Sometimes I imagine complete events that probably will never happen. If I feel my depression sneeking up on me, I turn on the radio to change the subject in my mind. Walking or jogging used to help me a lot but I have hip burcitus in both hips and 3 slipped disk in my lower back. Its very painful for me to run or walk long distances so thats had me a little down lately, not being able to get away. I also feel useless and lazy that I haven't worked out and feel fat.

Singing sometimes helps me too. I love writing lyrics and my best work comes from me singing in the car. I wish I could do something with my music but everything in my head tells me I can't succeed. There are a lot of people who enjoy my songs (friends and family) but I'm sure they're just telling me that to make me feel better. I used to write all the time but now its more of a once in a blue moon kind of thing.

I ended up going to walmart and buying coffee for my husband when I got out of the house. Its amazing how I can be irate with him, but still want to do nice things for him. I was quite disappointed in him tonight. I'm not sure if he doesn't realize how bad my depression is, because he's never had to deal with it, or if he doesn't care. I think he's trying to assosiate it with something he's gone threw which is why he's underestimating its effects, but if you have or are dealing with it, you know you'd have to really be there to understand.


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