When I think about it, 2013 marks the increased problem with depression.2013 is a good summary of increased, more frequent depressive episodes to more severe intensity with each episode.

It also marks change. 2013 was the first year that I went out of my way to try to get help-with visits to the campus mental health services and a few chats with online suicide chatlines.

I'm not one for New Years resolutions, but 2014 will be significant. As much as I hate to admit it and as much as I hate the idea of battling with depression at ALL this year, I think that there's a good chance that my depression will return on multiple occasions. That scares me quite a bit.

For now, I can't think about it. But that's my problem with the battle. Whenever I'm "normal," I don't worry about it and push off my depression to the back burner. I have other things to catch up on like school and work and fitness and social relationships. Maybe that's why everytime depression hits, it hits so hard. Or maybe not. It's just a huge pain the ass, I don't have room in my life for it.

Honestly, I think depression will be the death of me. Someday, maybe when I'm older and middle aged and have paid back all my debts (I don't plan on getting married), I'll let depression get the best of me and give eternal sleep. But for now, I've still got debts to pay and favors to make. College to go through, atonement to do. That's why depression just doesn't have a place in my life. I wonder if we personified Depression into a character, what that character would look like.

Like a more ominous, wider cloaked Grim Reaper? With a time bomb?