I decided to go ahead and write in my blog which I wasn't going to orginally considering my past. However tonight I don't know where to vent or how to vent what I feel. Seems for awhile now everything in my life has been falling apart in which some of the things I am helpless in doing anything about. Such as my mother being in a nursing home and the state trying to gain custody of her. Her bf had power of attorney of her but unfortunately what I am told the courts already had papers sent in for guardianship. Seems the state(public admin, division of aging socail worker, nursing home social worker) all have been involved in trying to keep her bf from gaining guardianship as well. He also hurt himself by taking my mother out of as hospital and not taking her back to the nursing home, in which he was going to attempt to put her in another one. As the nursing home she currently is at I only see her going father downhill as they don't seem to be performing thier jobs properly or helping her.

That one day in the hospital she sounded more alrt and cognitive compared to all the time she has been in the nursing home she is in. Unfortunately the nursing home he tried to put her in which I told him several times they wanted to know the outcome of the case before taking her didn't take her. They were actually going to but her attorney suggested they didn't until court was over with. In that time I have heard a few different stories on what happened while she was at her bf's house. All I truly know is she ended up in the hospital agin, he ended up in a stress ward and then she ended up back in the nursing home afterwards. I also know that he is not allowed to see her for 30 days due to her supposedly being scared of him.

I cannot say for certain if this is true or not and have been told other stuff about him such as controlling her decisions and etc. I have tried to talk to her about it but unfortunately she wasn't in a good state when I tried. She said first she was not then that she was after the fact was mentioned a social worker told me that my mother stated she was scared of him.

Her condition is COPD,emphysema and some various other issues. Her oxygen lvls have got real low 50's-60's at times and she has ended up with high Carbon Dioxide. So of course with the lack of oxygen her frame of mind isn't that great. She however can improve if properly taken care of and have some quality of life compared to what she has now but I honestly see her dying in a short time if left in this nursing home. I also think if the state gains guardianship they will leave her in the nursing home and not give it another thought.

Not long ago I had my gallbladder removed which could have ended up killing me. I had fluid buildup around it and several stones, took them 2 hours laproscopically to remove it which is long for that type of surgery. Ever since then I have had cxomplications from it. On top of that I suffer from a condition known as TMJD(temporomandibular joint disorder) to a fairly high extent. I am trying to get it straightened out and with any luck maybe soon I will. It has caused me several issues in which doctors and alot of dentists do not comphrend as being caused by such. There are some dentists out there though that understand to what extent of issues it can actually cause. I have argued with a doctor over it at one time as well.

On top of this our car recently broke down and may be the transmission, heater went out(IIts fixed $300 for the part), water leak(fixed), etc.

There is a ton more besides this that has been going on. One of which involves my relationship.

All I know is truly when my mother dies I will not be in any frame of mind to be on here. I truly do not even know how I will handle it, I just know it will not be good.

Mood: Don't know – I truly don't as I am a mix of several things at the moment.