im really struggling to hold on, even cutting at the moment donst have such a long lasting effect , so im doing it more and deeper:( im trying so hard to hold on to living, it would kill my dad quite literally if i just let go and i dont want to do that to him, but at the same time i really am struggling! i see a one to one weekly and im in group for bpd but thts just not helping at the moment! just nothing seems to be going right… seem to get in trouble at work for stupid things even though most of the time i work damn hard, but soon as the slightist thing goes wrong they notice it more with me cus im usally spot on.. that just feels like pressure i cant handle… pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating on me but dont have the balls to confrount him for the fear of being alone cus part of me and yeh sounds silly but being with someone your unhappy with or is not being faithful just seems to be better thn being sat at home on your own (twisted as that sounds) , someone im really scared of from my past i have just found out is back in the town where i live and its brought up a lot of stuff ive suppressed for most of my life and ive now told my therpist but i cant fully talk about it without getting scared, christmas is coming up nad it always makes me miss my mother although i hate her i miss her this time of year. and so much other stuff going on but ill be here for ages …. just everything just seems to be pilling upp again and i cant seem to breath. just want it all to stop is that asking to much! arghh sorry ranting again just cant sleep! sorry

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