i… think i may still… love him… or something… but NO! i can't do this, go through it… i can't go through that again, never ever ever again… so much pain, too much heartache… this feeling i have right now is getting to be overwhelming… and with all else going on in my messed up mind, i can see the outcome… i need to run, run away from it all, if only temporarily. but these stupid people won't let me out of the house, because first of all i'm "unstable" still and "unsafe" from myself, and the last few times that i left without having anyone know where i was i didn't come back or respond to anyone for hours, and they'll be expecting the same again, which they are probably right to expect it…. and the other reason they have me locked up here is because they actually beleive that school and all that sh*t is somehow a priority of mine, as if i have a motivation to make up every single thing i didn't do this week in school… ha. as if. i can hardly do something as simple as watching TV without breaking down because of whatever reason, so how do they beleive i have the ability to concintrate on something that doesn't hold my interest in any way, in fact, that does quite the opposite? ugh nothing matters. i hate everything and everyone. i hate him. why am i thinking of him? GOSH why did i literally just snap at a glance of his picture…??? i just wanna throw something or scream until someone FINALLY notices the extent of my pain… but that will never happen, because i'm far gone, faded into oblivion, never to be revived… i hate all things. there is nothing left for me but this unbearable pain…. AH >:(

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