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you would think , given that i have so much to do, and important things, that i would be doing them, not endevouring to get drunk, and sitting on my arse on the internet? why? because i cant be fucked. i really cant, i dont care. i need to find a job, and should idealy looking for a place to stay. I am leaning more towards going back home and live with mum.. why? money mostley, also requires no effort , because i dont have to organise much, just tell mum. "hey , guess what, im coming home" no doubt she will be estatic. im till hesitant, even though this is my best option…

there is the obviouse, i wont be able to smoke green, or drink so much, although, these things shouldnt be an issue, but they happen to be. im scared of not having the option, as i have cut down dramaticaly on both, but i tilllike the option, and plus i do still get intoxicated most days of the week, even if its not falling down drunk everynight. but there is more to it than just that, just the whole i been out of home since i was 19, so i think for anyone moving back home at 26 is going to play on anyones mind

and… my lifestyle, other than the previous mentioned, isnt what a mum really would put up with? i sit in my room, most of the time, and dont really eat regular, .. i dont know. maybe im putting too much thought into this. maybe im jut being realistic, maybe im just expecting the worse.

and i know she will watch me like a hawk, especialy since she knows im on antidepressants, to her, that means , things anrnt going as well as she thought ..

i want to dissapear. i dont want o be hear anymore. i continue to fight. tired of the fight, just to stay alive.

1 Comment
  1. tlilly999 10 years ago

    I totally relate to what you feel about wanting to disappear and being tired of the fight.  I also understand trying desperately to motivate yourself into doing the important things in your life that you know need doing – to no avail. 

    Life shouldn't have to be this constant struggle, but for some of us, it just is. I wish you well in your decision, whatever it may be, to find a place to live. Just remember that even if you end up chosing to be with your mother, you are in control of how long you want to live there.

    Anyway, I wish you all the best.

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