This is a serious question because i dont know how to….. How does one walk a way from a friend when theres one sided issues in the friendship? My M.O. is to do or say something to to someone to make them dislike or even hate me, There is a friend that i allowed to get to close and now i am forming certian feelings for them. i have talked to her about them and it has been said that we are nothing but friends, yet i find myself getting twisted around her. not in the sence of me hurting her.
I truely value her as a friend and dont want to loose her but i cant stop these feelings from forming. ( and no its not about sex) It was suggested that i form a list of what i look for in a woman, Then i had to define in what way i meant the things i want in them. She meets more that 3/4 of the qualities i look for. The list took me over two weeks to complete and to my suprise there was no sexual content on it. Instead it had things like HONEST, CARING, EMPATHETIC, GOAL ORIENTED, SMART, STRONG AS WELL AS WEAK, FEARLESS, CONSERVATIVE,and the list goes on. so yeah i sit here and twist myself up trying not to so or say anything that pushes her away for ever or even for a little while. she is the closest person in my network and is sometimes the only thing that gets me to meetings on certian days of the week where i would rather be doing something else,
I have prayed and meditated on this for the last few days and still cant seem to get a grip on it. im fully aware nothing happend over night but yeah if i dont get releife some how i fear the worst. i have almost made it to 9 months again and want to meep my clean date. i know if i stop going to meetings im doomed , Hell i dont know i guess im growing up because im actually thinking things thru before i act out on what i know best and that is to just simply shut down my feelings and run from them
F>E>A>R> F#@K everything and run or Face everything and recover. face the facts of what is truly going on here. you face the fear of abandonment by this person. you have told her your feelings, she has told you there is someone in her life she loves. be a man back off and stop making excuses that she is the only one you can hang out with. that is bullshit and we both know it.
no one should have that much control over your emotions except you. nobody should have the power to keep you from meetings. what is more important your recovery or Her? it's your call Mike. Neither God or anybody on this sight can make it for you. nobody keeps me from meetings i want to attend. i do not let myself get infatuated by anyone. yes i am married but have had tempting offers but i am not here for that shit. i am here after almost 21 years because i am still a work in progress.
find other meetings to go to. don't make waves between you and realize that life in Recovery will go on without this person in your life. sure i am close to a lot of women in recovery. that's because they are friends chasing the same thing Peace and Serenity. Stop missing the point here and get on with your life.
NA hugs,
JJ
i notice than when i reply to your blogs you never reply back????? why is that? it's time to put all the BS aside, get rid of outside interfearances and work the 12 steps. lists don't mean shit. they are just words on paper. take a deep look inside yourself and see what your true motives are. until we make the effort to fix ourselves we cannot be able to help anybody else. what do you truly want out of recovery and your life? once you find the answers then make it your goal to achieve them. it's a hell of a lot simpler than you think. as addicts we can complicate something as simple as changing the toilet paper roll.
choose the road traveled by many and stay in Recovery. stop worrying about everybody else and concentrate on Mike. do not let issues outside your personal program of recovery influence the decisions you make today. they can have devastating results. i personaly have met many beautiful desireable women in recovery who just wanted to do the 13th step. but i am married and true to my wife. she is my lover, my partner, my best friend and most importantly my biggest supporter in Recovery. stop letting what you can't have in life keep you from finding the true peace and serenity you are looking for. it will find you if you let it.
NA hugs,
JJ
these are things mike is going thru. so thats the purpose of my blogs, is for me to actually see what is going on in my head so i can keep going forward. i usually dont reply because i get thru it and or something else takes over and i move on that. my head races all day every day and putting it here helps me sort thru the confusion. yes some are the same problem but its a process. and due to life its one that gets only short burst of time to look at