please dont judge as this is very personal.

first of all I am 14 years old girl and this is my story on how i suffer from depression. I was bullied a lot and when i say a lot i mean 8 years a lot. i got bullied from preschool till year 7. i would get laugh at, made fun at, get called names, teased, critasised, rejected, cyber bullied, beaten, threatened and was treated like rubbish. people would call me names like fat, ugly, the grim reaper, pimple face ect. people would constantly laugh at me and reject me. nobody want to be my friend as i was "uncool". people would make fun of what i liked and what i did. they would laugh at me when i fell over and i was told a few times that i was a fake. i would get threaten that i was going to get beat up on the last day of school. (which didn't happen.) days i wouldn't want to go to school as i was afraid that i would be laughed at. in year 6 each day i would but punched in the stomatch at least 15 times as they thought it was a joke. i would get throw sand in my face and sticks in my hair. I even got made fun of on facebook. but the saddest part was i didn't even see what was going on till 3/4 of the way through year 7. then i saw what was going on and how bad it truly was. thats is when i started to get really depressed. finally it was the end of primary school and i could move on. I became best friends with this girl who bullied me pretty bad. a lot of people asked me how i could forgive her for what she did but i just simply say sometimes you need to forgive.

finally i got into high school which was great because i don't get bullied here. But that when the depression truly kicked in. each night i would go into my room and cry. i believe i do that because i had bottled up my feeling for so long i finally got to a breaking point. each night it would get worse and worse. i go in there and cry for about 2-4 hours a night. i would be painful to see myself in the mirror and see what i am now like. it was as if i had a whole personality change during the time between primary and high school. I feel like my life was no longer worth living and continuely have these suicidal thought and i sometimes make plans to kill myself. sometime i couldnt handle it so i tried. i feel as if no one love me and that i was ugly as i was told so many times that i was. finally i decide i need to take my feeling out on something so i decided to cut myself. this is constant thing. i decided to take a wide range of on lines tests all coming up saying i suffer from depression. i finally told my best friend what was going on. i also told a few of my closest friends who i could trust. it was not only depression i found out i had, i found i suffer from OCD, Anixety and possibly OCPD. This only got worse. i can't sleep properly; I lose interested in everything and i always feel depressed; i can't think properly at school. it's was taking over my life. i would get really bad if i was in a "OCDic" mood, i just wouldn't know how to control it. it was if it was my now. i feel alone and that no one truly knew how i feel. i want help more than anything but i cant search for it . Now i still suffer from MD, OCD,OCPD and Anixety. Life is still a living hell, I still SH and i dont think its going to get better anytime soon but you know its only going to get worst before it gets better. The point of this story is to tell you that even know my life suck then and now you just need to have hope and one day it will get better. I know my story isn't probably as bad as most out there but i feel its a lot to take in for a 14 year old girl and that this is my story.. thank you for your time.


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