Before I start out my thoughts of the day…. what do you put for the "music" section? Just curious…

I'm finding it difficult to write today. I've lost my writing umph, but I know if I hold all of this in… I may feel worse. I woke up this morning feeling extremely anxious about work. I work at a doggie day care and there were supposed to be a lot of dogs there because of the holidays. Now, sometimes, the people at my job can be sightly aggressive. I do not do well with that. I also get the feeling that some of the people at my work do not really like me and that I am not doing a good job. – Even if the manager and the owner tells me otherwise. It involves lots of cleaning, feeding, and watching the dogs. I feel that I am annoying because I constantly say "I'm sorry," but it's just how I am. I am also kind of slow and it takes me a while to comprehend what someone says to me. Plus, the barking of almost a hundred dogs does not help… This morning, I was extremely nervous because it was so busy… I was very panicked and didn't want to go in… I started to feel better after a few hours, and even after I came home. But I am beginning to feel the same way again, because I have to go in again tomorrow morning, Sunday afternoon, and possibly Monday. My other problem is tha tI feel like I do not spend a lot of time with my family any longer, and that is one thing I love most in this world. I am just waiting for the email telling me next weeks schedule… I go through a wave of anxiety everything I see I have new emails or even if my phone rings. I fear it when people call me. At least I know now that the panic will go away after a while, but I am just looking forward to when I can go or think about work without all of the anxiety. Good news: it became a little better during/throughout the middle of the day; Bad news: the feelings are coming back… with a mini vengeance. I am looking forward to seeing my therapist on Monday…

Happy/ calming things I try to think of to distract me:

work is at most six hours long.
I get to spend some time with my family.
It's Christmas time, so happy music is playing and we get to decorate soon
I try to pray the rosary…which is soothing most times.

It's just kind of hard to think of these positive things all of the time. I've never been a positive person, but I am trying. I guess I've made some progress…even if it only lasted a few hours. ..


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