I finally have proof that he's been cheating.My soul hurts, my lips quiver, I didn't cry.I want to SCREAM with anger and sadness.At this very second I want it all to die.The pain, my Love, my brain's madness.I lay beside him n kiss him as he lay asleep.This doesn't make sense, is it defeat?Have I accepted that I want to move on?I sit here in the dark typing, past dawn.My body is shaking like never before.She knows that I'm with him, what a whore!I don't blame her bc he chose her over me.It just KILLS me inside bc we have a family.I can't cry and that's all I want to do.Get it all out and say to him screw you.I lay by his side and I want to hug hom so badI dont get what I'm feeling, am I going mad?The old me would make him get out of my life.The woman he asked long ago to be his wife.It's been 14years and a family we made.Do I no longer has self worth, or am I crazy?My emotions are numb and I feel cold inside.Maybe I'm just not crying because its time for goodbye.His cell his went off and I know its her.I wont bother to check bc I know it's true.No man gets a text at 2AM unless to screw.I thought we were going to be husband and wifeI guess I have to accept, this wont be ny lifeHe doesn't love me and it hurts so damn bad.My depression with this has gotten real bad.I don't eat or sleep and perhaps its time For me to say I Love you, we've run our course in time. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh and I just pray I'll be strong.I think Ive already accepted, he want to be gone.I gave it my all and I have more to give.But when a man tells you he doesn't want to fight for you, its time to wake up and LIVE.God knows what he's doing and I wish him the best.Its killing me inside because my lil boy will be a mess.God is good and he will help me through this night.Step by step my numbness with come alive.I will feel the pain and deal with it then.I just want him to love me and be my friend again.14 years and he doesn't care.I want to cry and scream and hurt him too.Lord give me strength to get me through this day.I want to punch him awake and cry in his arms.He'll just push me away and call me PATHETIC Am I PATHETIC because I love a man who no longer loves me?Goodnight, cant tjink straight, numb

1 Comment
  1. ms_kitty 7 years ago

    You are NOT pathetic. What he did is pathetic,the woman he is cheating with is pathetic,he is pathetic. You are sad and hurt and right now you feel like things will never get better but they will. You have to decide that you are worth more than this,that he does not deserve you. Although it may hurt like hell at first to let him go it WILL get better. You have to let him go so that one day you will find a man that truly deserves you and your children. You're worth so much more than this,he's just too blind to see it. 

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