Ive gotten this new obession lately and it is so hard to shake. I am so obessed about getting fat. I am scared to eat anything, and if i do i feel really guilty. I know in my "right" mind i am not fat. I weigh 123 so i am not fat i am just obessed about gaining weight. My boyfreind is a personal trainer so i think a lot of that triggers my obession. He always tells me i am not fat and that i should not think that way, but for some reason I look in the mirror and feel huge! So whenever my boyfreind looks at me i get so freaked out that he is thinking im fat….when in my "right" mind i know he is not, but my OCD is telling me different. I wish i could respect my body and eat more because i only eat one meal a day, and then i go to the gym and work out. I feel like this might turn into an eating disorder and I dont want it to! I dont know how to look at myself and accept the way i look and start eating more. I only consume about 300 to 400 calories a day and then like i said i go to the gym and work it off. Im not fat but yet my "ocd mind" is telling me i am therefore i look in the mirror and critic myself and get really upset to where i dont want no one looking at me. I hate this. I never used to have this much of low-self esteem. I just wish i could take better care of myself but eating just makes me feel guilty. ughhh! even though my boyfreind always compliments me and tells me i am fine the way i am, i still don't feel good about myself. I hope i get over this obession soon. I know this is not healthy for me.

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