So, a couple of years ago I dated a guy who was really clingy, possessive, and quite frankly it got annoying. He would get mad at me if I were to leave my room (dorm) even though we went to school hours apart and he could go and do as he pleased. He wrote me love letters each week that were extremely long but basically just said "I love you so much Kirsten Ann" over and over again. In some of them, he went into detailing what our future children would look like and how many we'd have, etc. It was exhausting. Some women may find that attractive, but it felt like the relationship was only satisfying for him and that my own feelings were ignored. Eventually, I started getting anxious –not sure if this is OCD– about the situation and would get a thought in my head like "oh I must not want to be with him"..but at the time, I was still committed to trying to make it work before I was thoroughly worn out. Now, I don't talk to him and don't like people mentioning him or thinking about him. I don't know why–strange, isn't it?

I started this relationship a year and a half ago with one of my greatest friends & everything felt amazing. It was like I had found who I was when I studied abroad and knew I was finally capable of making someone else happy, too. Soon, things became complicated as he called me another girl's name in bed and started becoming possessive over who I talked to, where I went. All the while, he was able to go out and talk to whom ever he wanted. After a while, I started feeling really bad about myself again and I think its because I felt like I had lost my partner and had gained more like a parental figure. I don't like being controlled or told what to do, but I love him and wanted to please him without causing a fight. He tells me "I'll never be okay wiht you talking to Victor"–my ex from Spain who treated me like gold and is to this day one of my best friends. I understood why he was saying it but he started saying it about every single guy in my life. I started complying with him, but it felt as though I became more and more alone and even detached from who I am. Now I am applying for graduate schools and he takes no interest in them whatsoever. I feel so alone and lost in this relationship that now I have started to get that same anxious feeling I had with the guy before. I feel so angry and I do not know why. How do I get over this or better manage it in order to save the relationship?

2 Comments
  1. hancey 9 years ago

    Are you sure this relationship is worth saving?  I tend to agree with Jem here–maybe time to start thinking of finding someone more deserving.

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  2. Dave123 9 years ago

    it shouldnt be this hard the right person will accept his postion in your life and just be happy hes in it. sounds like lots of inscurity on there part. i have been married for 11 years and the first three just flowed. ups and downs but we both were happy with each other. someone who truly loves u accepts the good with the bad. "no one has a album full of sad pictures its the happy ones that get us through the tough times".

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