Hi everyone,
I will try to keep this blog short and to the point. Basically, I have been struggling with my OCD for approximately the last 3 and a half years. It has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, with more downs recently than ups. I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 13 (going on 14), and I have taken medications for it ever since (although I did go off twice in my life, but I'd rather not talk about that right now). In some cases they have worked very well and in other cases they have not helped me at all and sometimes even made me worse. I feel it is totally unfair that I should have to deal with this disorder everyday. It is a constant struggle that isholding me back and preventing me from moving on with my life. And it's not just affectingme in a negative way, but alsothe people who are closest to me.I often ask myself the question "What did I do wrong to deserve this?" I wish I knew the answer, but I don't. Well anyway, I am on meds now and have been for a very long time, and I don't think that any of them are working. Maybe some of the other people on this blog are going through the same thing, and if anyone is then I do have empathy for them. OCD has almost completely taken over my life, and I dont know what's gonna come next. If there's anyone else out there who is feeling the same way, then I am deeply sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I feel that Ican relate. Perhaps we can help eachother out by telling our stories and inspiring one another so that everyone can feel happier and less afraid.
I often wonder what i done to deserve this as well but we have to work harder than others at life and try to not let ocd win. I hope you feel better soon maybe you need you'r meds changed if you feel they are no good.
Okay, I'm really sorry for being SO bitter guys, but I truly feel that I have to vent my feelings somewhere or I'll become hopelessly depressed. There is something I REALLY need to get off my chest, and that thing is………..My thoughts and feelings about helping others. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that it's a good thing to reach out to people in need and help them. It would seem to me like the right thing to do….However, I believe I am not in the right state of mind to help others right now. I t's not that I don't WANT to help people who need it, but that I simply CAN'T!!!! It appears to me that the modern society we live in doesn't understand this concept. Let's try not to forget that we were born and raised in a society where the media is constantly telling us that we have to be strong and tough and in control, and always helping others, even if we can't. But I'm no hero. See, this is the problem. If I were to be in any sort of crisis situation where somebody or some people or many people need my help, I'm sorry to say that I would not be able to help them. In those kinds of situations, I would be a coward and run away, when really I should be helping people. Because of the emotional state I'd be in, I would freak out and possibly even scream and/or cry, and I'm afraid that people will judge me for that. I mean, they would probably condemn me and tell me to burn in hell. I would have to suffer the consequences of this. Is it just my OCD talking, or is this a legitimate fear I have? I don't know what else to say about this, so I'll just leave it at that.