So, I just snapped. Not at anyone but… at facebook…. I was scrolling though all the crap on the main wall and was constantlying see trash talk about celebrities like Justin Beiber, One Direction, Adele, Kelly Clarkson. I was just thinking, what the f*? Why does this world have to be filled with so many A-holes? They work hard to get to the point that they are. They have talent or they wouldn't be famous in the first place. Just leave them the F* alone. So I expressed my new found apiphany (I know I spelled that wrong) I might copy what i said.

Which brings me to another topic. Bullying! Like What the F*! Again, teenagers are just so f-ing mean sometimes. Bullying has evolved to something that it was not many years ago. People kill themselves because these bullies are just so mean. In all reality though, I really have no room to talk. I was a bully my beginning middle school year. I thought I was pretty bad A** while I was doing it though. I stopped being just a bully once I got into like 8th grade and even then I had my bursts of B*tchiness. I've realized that my words really did affect people though and I stopped. After I stopped, i moved and that's when i also started getting bullied. New meat. I had been bullied before believe it or not. I may had been a bully myself but I had other bullies on my butt also.

I'm just tired of everything. of all the hatred. Of all the rules. The restrictions. I WANT MY F-ING JOURNAL BACK! So this is completely off topic but I just really thought about this. So my mother took my journal permantely after having read it and found some unwated things in there. It's evidence now, I guess. SHE WON'T GIVE IT BACK!!! That was my journal for my depression! Everyone told me to write down everything so it wouldn't be stuck in my mind and bring me down in a depression wave. SO I DID! I followed their stupid advice and wrote down my life in the thing. THEN MY MOTHER TAKES IT! Can you imagine how I feel right now? I FEEL DEPRESSED!!! I can't write down anything for the fear of my mother getting her f-ing hands on it. Do you want to know the kicker though?! She was one of the people that told me to write my sh*t down in a journal, to get it all out of my head. Then what does she do? SHE READS THE F-ING THING!!! LIKE WTF?!!?

So what I have doing since she took the journal. i've been in and out of my depressed self. As you can tell, this is my depressed self. I'm depressed and yet p*ssed off at the same time. Lovely. I'm done. With everything. Everyone. The only person I can trust is my boyfriend and I on see him 15 minutes a day, if I'm lucky. The world is conspiring against me to make my life a living Hell right now. Maybe I should just give it what it wants and kill myself.

*Smile*

1 Comment
  1. YaminoKaaten 9 years ago

    I know what you mean.  It seems as though, the farther human technology goes, the worse civilization gets.  Things like Photoshop and Facebook bring out the worst in others; they become tools for hurt and weapons of anger.

    I won't take a side on why your mom should keep the journal.  I just hope you've calmed down enough to try to ask for it back.  Despite how negative a light she is in this entry, she still worries about you.  I wish my dad cared as much as your mom does.  He usually won't talk to me, and he gives really bad advice at that.

    The world doesn't hate you.  I don't hate you.  I'm afraid for you right now.  I wish I could make you smile, even if I can't see it.  You at least deserve to smile at something good once every day, right?

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