I haven't been on here in a long, long time. Today I came here just to let things out, and not care who hears… I don't want anyone I know to hear these things. I just feel dead inside, and hurt. I have(had) two friends whoreally hurt me. they used tobe my "dear friends", but fucked me over.One always talks shit to me like she issuperior…I work with her, when she started, I taught her everything I couldabout the job, to make iteasier, to make her succeed. She was with me through a lot of really bad times, and I will never forgetthat. But what happened…I don't know why she talks to me now like I am justa piece of shit? And it really, really hurts. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. If there is something I did, i would like to know. I try not to take this personally. Maybe there is somethingbothering her. I don't know..all I know is it hurts, and I want to let go of the hurt. I want to rise above it, and let go of this ego that is bruised.
IHave (Had) another friend. I've been really sick recently, and stopped going out and hanging around with her. I've tried to explain…I really have notbeen well. so I missed calling her back sometimes…I've been exhausted. Both of these friendsare younger than I am…I don't suppose they understand how it is to get old. Well, anyhow, she really dumped me…my friend. It's a joke how people are, and no one understands what another is going through. Again, I suppose she is maybe having some problems. But both of these "friends" would rather hurt me than talk to me. And, in turn I cannot talk to them. I cant tell them how I feel…I've tried and it doesn't change anything. I am old now. I don't want people in my life who dump on me..I don't need them. Life is hard enough without that kind of bullshit. I feel like I hate them, hate them, hate them for what they have done to me. I don't trust anyone anymore, and I really don't care much about anyone or anything, except my dog. All the rest can go f— themselves, and I hope they will think about the shit they did to me when the same thing happens to them. I just want to go home. I hate it here. I've been praying for five years to go home…even G-d doesn't give a shit.