OK, back again.

Not sure what i said in my last blog, but i'm pretty sure i hadn't got the results of my biopsy. Well results are in. Its a Fibroadenoma. Basically its a NON CANCEROUS tumor of the breast. Yay for some good news! i was very sure that it was cancerous, so that really was a surprise. They don't need to do anything about it, unless i want it removed, or if it grows too big. BUT.. yep theres a big but, because of the family history, he wants me to have genetic testing. I remember i was talking about this in my last blog, and i was unsure about it. I still am. But i have had the blood taken, so i guess its happening. I have to have genetic councelling before i get the results, so that will be interesting. I'm waiting on a appointment with the councellors, but that probably wont be until the new year. Thats ok with me. This time of year there is so much happening, i'm incredibly busy with work, so until things settle down i don't really want to be worring about that. Thanks to those who sent me messages of good wishes. It was appreciated.

Other news. I got into the diploma class that i wanted! I'm VERY happy about this. I had doubted myself so much, that i'd pretty much talked myself out of being good enough to do it. So when i got that letter i was very very happy. Its a 2 year class. So two years from now when i hopefully complete it successfully, i can go straight onto uni to do the social work degree that I wanted. I'm glad i proved the teachers wrong. They told me that i wouldn't get into it until i had done the Cert III. HA eat that.

Other other news: I went to my sisters (by marriage) wedding on Saturday. I nearly wasn't going to go, mostly due to the fact i had to be up at 5am the next day for work. But i did. I didn't drink (!!) because i was driving of course. I could have got mum to drive me there so i could, but i really couldn't be bothered to be honest.. and getting up at 5 with a hangover wouldn't have been very nice. ANYWAY, got there didnt' know anyone except my bother (again by marraige) who really wasn't there most the time. When she arrived, my father and stepmum arrived and i then knew 4 people. It was so awkward sitting there by myself not knowing anyone. After the ceremony Alice (my sister) wanted to get some photos done at the beach, and wanted some with me. UGH. I hate photos. I'm too fat for photos. Anyway went to the beach, the photographers battery ran out before i had any photos taken. Blessings!

Spent the rest of the reception mingling, talking to new people and family. Toby (my new bother in law) is a great guy. Alice is lovely too. I'm very happy for her! infact as i was the ONLY person not drinking, i had the privialage of driving the bride and groom to thier honeymoon suite in a hotel in town. 🙂

Anyway, at one point during the night, i was sitting talking to my stepmum (who by the way, i really like. Really nice lady), and dad came along and was saying how "lovely it was to see me", and bascially went on to tell me how dissapointed he was that he wasn't told about me going overseas earlier this year. LIKE HE WOULD EVEN CARE! we hardly ever talk. I'm lucky to see him maybe once a year. Doesn't even call on my birthday or anything. He doesn't make an effort to talk to me, so why should I? seriously!! He was going on about how he thought I didnt want to talk to him (he was very drunk by the way, so it was impossible to take him seriously), i just said "no thats not true" and left it at that. Our conversations are so strained. Its like talking to a plant. I don't think he understands that i'm not going to make an effort to talk to him, when he doesn't try to talk to me. Its not that i woudlnt' love to have a father figure in my life, god knows i do, but he just doesn't seem like the right fit. I don't know .. it's hard to discribe.

He gave me a christmas present. I opened it. It was a necklace.. with dolphins on it.. in gold.SIGH.. i was into dolphins when i was like.. 12. It just reminds me how much he doesn't know about me.I haveNO gold jewellry.We are strangers. in a strange land. I almost wish he would just leave me alone. he has his life, i have mine.

I feel like i have no father. Every time i talk to him, I feel awkward and don't know what so say. I don't like him. Its not that hes a bad guy pre se.. just just don't feel comfortable with him. He talks, and gets along better with his step kids than me. Its dissapointing.


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