This is my first blog, and I think it might be helpful for me to start something like this. I have been slowing going down hill for months, and people are starting to ask questions, and I just blow them off.  I finally decided that I needed to talk to someone about it, and I chose two different friends, and they were really supportive, but I don't feel like they understand. And since then I haven't moved from my bed/couch. I haven't left the house, I haven't talked to anyone, I called in sick to work, skipped a softball game. I just don't know how to get out of bed right now, I don't know how to tell the people I am closest with the truth about what is going on. I am self medicading…sleeping all day, watching tv at night, secluding myself from the world…I just want to get out of it and go back to who I am. It must of started about a year and a half ago when my grandfather died, and no one in my family talked about it, then I had surgery and died on the table which my mom had a hard time with, but wouldn't say…then my ex tried to kill himself, and I helped him through a rough time, then I was raped by one of my best friends, and couldn't tell anyone up until a couple of months ago, then my ex couldn't be there for me anymore. And just recently my mom was diagnosed with Melanoma, and no one talkes about it. I can't help but have self pitty, and I don't talk to anyone cause I don't want to burden anyone with my problems…if that is really what they are. I just need the strength to get out of bed, to not numb myself to the world anymore and maybe feel something more than just sadness. I feel that I have a hole in my chest and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger every day, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I need some help, but I have never been here before, and I am not sure how to ask for it.


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