THIS IS A COPY OF A BLOG POSTED ON ANOTHER SITE~HOPE YOU DONT MIND ME SHARING IT HERE~THOUGT MAYBE IF ANYONE READS IT THAT YOU MIGHT GET IT MORE THEN THEY WOULD IN SOME WAYS…OH & ONE OF THE THINGS THAT GOT MESSED UP…WELL IT”S STUFF W?A GUY…YEA I DONT KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE HAS RELATIONSHIPE PROBS 🙁 BUT I DO ALOT…ANYWAY…ITS MESSED UP…WELL IDK FOR SURE YET…I REALLY HOPE NOT *FINGERS CROSSED*…BUT I GET KINDA NERVOUS & WORRY & PUSH SOMETMES>>>JSUT CUZ I NEED TO KNOW STUFF> LIKE ABOUT PLASN & STUFF>>>AND IDK 🙁 HE’s MORE WAIT & SEE…SO…I HOPE IT STILL WORKS…:-( IM PRETTY UPSET ABOUT IT & MY SAD & O.C.D ARW FIGHTING OVER IT RIGHT OW~ SORRY FOR RAMBLIGN I DO THAT A LOT TOO…SORRY AGAIN…

Ok I supposed I have irrittated some people recently? IDK maybe, maybe not? IF I have I am VERY sorry for that… I TRULY do NOT mean to…I REALLY am having a VERY difficult time with my A.D.H.D. & ANXIETY the past few wks & it’s just beyond obnoxious (sp?) I admit.. BUT I CAN truly say IT is NOT on purpose. NOT a controlable (sp?) thing. REALLY! THIS IS NOT B.S! I jsut dont know what to do tho! ~

NOW~It seems it’s gotten to where people just dont want to deal with me…Some arent talking to me or are barely talking to me…Some are giving up…:-( I give up! It just doesnt matter! NOT in a bitchy way…BUT I just am NOT able to deal with that while dealing with all the other things going on at this time! Really yet again proof has been given to me that I DO NOT seem to ever be able to get what I would like to have work out…Not even get a chance at it…People just are not willing to give me chances anymore it seems… I realize I more often then NOT come accross a BIT high strung & brisk…overpowering ever? BUT I am REALLY such A SWEETHEART to the right people if given the chance~It hurts more then you would probably think when people just dont or wont take the time to get to know the REAL me~…It hurts in the way that I feel I am a failure as a person…It hurts in the way that I am losing out on something else…whether it be a job or a friendship, or a possibiltiy for a relationship of another kind. But it ALSO hurts in that being told about it REALLY hurts~

OH! While this DOES I KNOW sound all sad & poor lil ole me…I AM NOT meaning it too be all poor Jackie at ALL! JUST am SO FRUSTRATED! DO NOT KNOW HOW OR WHAT TO DO OR SAY ANYMORE~

I have had SOOO mcuh to deal with the past couple weeks…Between my cousins cancer & the upcoming operation this next week HEAVY on my mind…She is one of my BEST friend & only 35…My uncles operation this Friday….My car situation, finances, living situation, etc. My other family stuff going on… As well as my OWN health stuff going on…I have to go for all my re checks that I was SUPPOSED to go for a month ago~ I KNOW BAD ME! The Eye hemmorage~ Blood pressure~ heart stuff & other stuff…BUT I HATE DOCTORS & HOSPITALS~ UGH! Besides they said NO STRESS…doctors make me stresssed! 😛

SO~ TWO THINGS well actually THREE today that happened due to my over anxiousness/hyperness, obnoxiousness/WHATEVER~. Instead of people telling me when I first ask (which I ALWAYS do, say hey is everything ok, am I getting in the way, am I interfering, am I bothering you, etc depending on the situation) if there is a problem…or being straight forward then…they wait until the problem is bigger & then they have to seperate themselves from me. I only act or re act in response to how others act to me…SO if I do something, act a certain way…say certain things, wear certain clothing even…It is because it is a direct reaction to what the other people or a person did, said ,wore….I.E. if somebody was excited about sometihng, then I get excited about it…follow me? Whatever I was lead to believe was the appropriate way to do things, wear thing, say things, etc. Then later people say…Well this is too much of that…you are too much of this…Sometimes I DO get another chance…MANY times I do NOT~ I AM ONLY HUMAN!! DOESNT EVERYONE DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE~ EVEN TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION?

I just dont understand…Im so confused… I try so hard…too hard Im sure…My BIGGEST fault is THAT prolly~ I DO try TOO hard…I psuh people away by TRYING TO HARD~ BUT…I WILL ADMIT~ RIGHT HEAR & NOW…It is because I am YES I AM…insecure…TERRIBLY~ SO I OVERCOMPENSATE~ THEN I am screwed~ All I want is to be happy…To make other people happy…To have a career…Family, love, life.. That I will enjoy & share one day…But it seems so elusive…I KNOW I am NOT an easy person to be around or deal with..I DO REALIZE that…BUT I AM SO WORTH the extra time & patience and effort that MIGHT have to go into me..For WHATEVER we are talking about~ Be it work, school, friendship, a girlfriend, daughter~ whatever~ Pushy I believe is THE word of choice…funny I’ve heard it a bit the past few days 🙁 but if some faith & patience are had in me…OK…I AM trying NOT to be sooo pushy

Spend a little time to get to know me…BEFORE writing me off~PLEASE people~ GEEZ~ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY~Get to know The REAL me…hang out for a day…chillaxin…ANYONE will see & ANYONE will tell you…Im pretty FLIPPIN COOL! IF I do say so myself 😉 I MAY NOT BE PERFECT~ BUT IM PERFECTLY ME~

YES It MAY take a couple weeks of time spent to get to know the REAL me instead of the couple days you might be able to get to know most people pretty well. BUT after that time.. You will NEVER be sorry & bet you will NEVER walk away from whatever out relationship will become.

I TRULY am the BEST, MOST loyal friend, sister, daughter, cousin, girlfriend, hell~ HUMAN~ fur mommy~ LOL I just try to be the BEST ME & THE BEST AT EVERYTHING I DO! It just sometimes take me a little longer..BUT I DO GET THERE 🙂

Im sorry I REALLY am I just am really hurt & upset…I was in a really good mood thru the beggining of the week & then things one by one started to unravel…As I thought they might…ALL because of the TIGGER FACTOR! I JUST WISH…that people would try to understand there is ME behind that sometimes obnoxious bounce! MORE to me then what they see..OR perceive~ I THOUGHT I had a shot at something pretty cool…NOW…IDK…but I am STILL going to hope…What is life without HOPE? 🙂 ?

I am a REAL person…I JUST get scared, nervous, worried, anxious… Sometimes I get TOO excited about stuff… In A LOT of instances ths is a GOOD thing..but in a LOT it is BAD…in normal everyday life…IT IS BAD…it bugs the HELL out of people & scares them off…in a variety of situations….It just is hard for me when I cant really always control it..I mean REALLY cant…..

It isnt B.S. the hyper anxious stuff.. That is my A.D.D. & anxiety & i cant help it all the time…Some people let me explain it to them..others never give me the chance….it makes me sad…I dont want to miss out on the things, the people out there…I do NOT want to KEEP messing UP! GEEZ! Like I said before…If you think it is hard for all of you to deal with me…IMAGINE what it is like to BE ME! I NEED A VACATION!!! LOL From ME :0 SO…

…There’s still one thing…WELL I’m HOPING that’s NOT totally messed up yet…I’m hoping that’s something that I will be lucky enough to still have a shot at that….Hopefully will be one of those RARE cases where someone might take the chance to get to know me & like having me around & have patience…Enough to wait and see…IDK~ Cuz I am AWFULLY DAMN CUTE YA KNOW? LOL sorry dont mean to be a brat LOL
😉 Did I mention I cook, bake, clean? LOL OK ENUFF! Like I said before sometimes life presents you with certain circumstances…you try to make the best of them…I would like the chance to see what might become from these circumstances…SO hey guys! As I have asked MANY times before PLEASE be patient a LIL bit longer & DO NOT give up on me! 🙂

LOVE YA’LL~

JACKIE~

*WISHING ON MY STARS