I see people but I feel invisible. There's a glass wall between us.
I don't feel like I'm in my body today. I've shut down. Auto-pilot.
I've been in my apartment 4 straight days. I've been sleeping and watching TV. Eating. Taking my bipolar meds. Today I broke isolation andwent to see The Words.
I walked to the movie. Half way there I couldn't feel my legs. I was wondering whether or not to go home because I felt so disoriented. I stumbled over a clump of grass. I decided to continue walking to the movie theater.
Ibought a giant diet cola and a giant bag of buttered popcorn. I felt dizzy as i walked to theater #7. I was the only one in the theater for the 2pm show. Creepy would I be robbed or worse?
As I sat through the boring coming attractions, I realized that I had brought my best friend to the movie…food. A giant friend who wasn't that good for me.
I loved the movie, The Words. Couple of plot holes but brillant in parts.
Today wasn't that different from the Wanda 20 years ago. Lonely and disoriented. Substituting food for a friend.
After the movie I wished I had someone to discuss the movie with. Someone to have high tea with. Someone to touch. A hand to hold. Not today.
I'm in enough pain to change today. I'm not the lonely girl of 20 years ago. The best way to cope with loneliness is to do something nice for someone.
There is an 87 year old woman in my building who is alone. We are friends. I made a care package for her and took it to her. her smile was worth it all.
I'm not alone. There are people everywhere waiting for a smile. Anything to take me out of myself. Anything to focus on anything but myself.
Here i am posting.Reaching out. How can I help?
Sometimes I don't move unless pain forces me out. Today I moved.