Now heres a quesion.. Does pain cause depression OR does depression cause pain?
For me its both, but in different ways.
Pain causes depression:
Since 2002 I have been living in constant pain. I dislocated my right knee cap while at work, and since that one time I have done it many times.. I couldn’t even count. To try and help my knee cap from moving around, I had a minor surgery to tighten the ligaments. Since then I the muscle on my right leg goes numb, gets pins and needles, intense burning, and itchyness.. All of which happens constantly. I’m always in pain.. The last few weeks it has intensified soo much that even when i’m walking just the rubbing of my pants on my leg hurts. I don’t know how much longer I can live with this pain.. it hurts soo much.. as far as i know there is nothing that can be done to releave it, apart from remove the muscle completly.. then i’ll have a perminant limp and will probably be in more pain.. kind of like House form House M.D. Might even need a cane or krutches all the time.. so I live with it.. I pop pain killers constantly.. i know its not healthy.. but its what I do so survive. It saddens me soo much to be living like this.
The Drs say i’m overweight.. i know this.. but how is someone in my position meant to loose weight with exercise when simple walking kills me.. it hurts soo much.. it makes me soo ANGRY!!!!!
Depression causes pain:
So depression causes me emotional pain, and physical sometimes too. If it wasn’t for the depression, i wouldn’t have cut myself.. or continue to cut myself. The emotional pain kills my insides.. It makes me mad.. Today I told my 13 y.o sister to F*ck Off, just cause i’m sick of being sad and being in pain. I feel soo guilty that I yelled at her like that.. she doesn’t deserve that.
I went to see my probation officer today.. He thinks i’m an alcoholic… i know as soon as i get money i by alchohol. Once i start i can’t stop.. Drinking helps me soo much.. he asked me today if i think i am an alchoholic.. i didn’t have an answer.. am I in denile? i don’t know.
Pain.. its a bit*ch..