i'm so self-centered, right? posting my blog title as "please read", how pathetic, right? it happens though. i'm going to write to you because i need to, i love to, i need you tell someone please. if you didn't read the last blog, i posted about how  i relapsed for a week and lost my appartment and my job. i'm staying at my girlfriend's best friend's appartment with her boyfriend, except my girlfriend got high last night and left me and her parents took her from me earlier to take her to treatment. i miss her, i'm so sad. nothing makes sense, or actually, it makes too much sense. i got whine. i'm drinking, although i'd rather be shooting up dope and killing myself faster, because i'm unfortunately an addict that LOVES to shoot up. it just sucks when i don't get to, or when things get bad. i keep writing this same blog over and over but the internet here sucks. i want this all to go away. the pain and confusion and the world. i'm so sick and nothing makes sense. i'm so sad guys, so very sad, please make it all go away…. i wish i could write a book about it, and have people read it and tell me they are the same. i know it's true.  i love you all, thank you all for truckin along that crazy road of hope and happiness and freemdom from addiction, it can get so hard, i get so lost sometimes and forget which way i'm going, or even want to go, whether i want to go forward or backward or sideways, or take a shortcut. it's so confusing sometimes. i once wrote a poem two years ago, about how i just want to find my way, find my way home, whereever that may be. home to me is where everything is calm and in place and makes sense. anyways, i get weird sometimes when i write, but the truth is, i've been so sad and i'm here in this appartment with people i barely know, and my girlfriend is gone, and guess what? i'm once again stuck with ME! AH! anyways i must stop before these people catch on to me, it would be quite exciting to write to the1`