No one will let me die.
Just let me fall asleep,
To never awaken.
Slit my wrists,
Watch them bleed.
Hold my lifeless body in your arms.
I hear you cry.
I can’t hug you and tell you it’s all right.
Now i’m scared.
I watch all my friends cry,
At my funeral.
I want to stand in front of everyone,
Say, I’m here, you don’t need to cry.
Then I remember. . .
I’m dead.

 


Lost, in a thick forest of trees.

Can’t find my way.

Don’t know what to do.

So I sit, pitying myself,

For getting lost.

All I hear is crying,

Sitting and listening, then

I realize,

I was listening to myself cry.

 

Lost, in a cloud of misery.

Don’t know what to do.

Can’t someone help? NO!

No one can ever help.

They don’t see the hurt.

They can’t feel the pain,

That’s buried deep inside my heart.

 

Lost, in this cloud of misery.

Wanting help, then

Turning everyone down.

Can’t I ever make a decision?

Is this a sign. . .of depression?

Such a small word,

For so many feelings.

Can’t you hear it?

The crying call of my heart.

 

Don’t you see,

The tears in my eyes?

No one can see,

Nor hear my pain.

Giving up, no one will stop me.

 

Needing to release the pain.

The pressure, I can’t stand it anymore.

Cut,Cut. . .

The blade released the pain.

No more need to be lost.

No more need for the tears.

 

I see you dear friend,

With tears on your face.

Wonder why?

Someone cares for me.

No one cared what I did.

 

Now i’m dying all alone.

But, i’m not alone

Dear friend, your by my side.

I struggle to say these three words. . .

Please don’t cry.

Your tears run faster down your face.

You cry even more,

When I become,

A motionless body in your arms.

 


Pain is feeling empty.

Pain is feeling abandoned.

Pain is feeling you have no friends.

Pain is feeling no one cares.

Pain is feeling you don’t belong here.

Pain is never knowing where to turn.

Pain is cutting and watching the trickles,

Of blood fall to the ground.

Pain is watching everything turn red,

As the blood colors the water.

Pain is like death.

Death is being empty, inside.

Pain is feeling empty, inside.

 
 
I wrote this my freshman year of High School, because I had a friend that was going through depression and she started cutting and all the pain I saw her carrying around with her it just broke my heart.

 


I walk around with
A smile on my face.
My smile seems to hide
All my hurt.
The smile is the mask that
Hides all the pain.
I tell myself to smile,
I don’t want my friends
To see me hurting.
No one seems to beable to
See through my mask.
I want to take this mask
Off and let everyone see
How much i’m hurting.
I can’t seem to bring my hand
To my face to pull this
Mask off.
The only place that I do
Take my mask off is in
The safety of my room.
My hurt is so bad I just
Want to die.
I just want to cut all
My veins open and let
Them bleed, for everyone to see.
My head is screaming for help,
But no one can hear it.
I can’t seem to take my
Smile off, so I can scream,
At the top of my lungs.
I’ve thought, if I was
To just die that the only
Person who would cry,
Is my best friend.
I want help, the words just
Don’t come out right.
I need to take my smile,
My mask off and show
Someone all my pain.
If I do, I don’t want to bring
Them down with me.
I need someone to help
Me take this stupid smile,
This mask, off.

 


od-bye to what used to be. . .

Good-bye to the sunlight,
I can see the darkness growing near.
Warm summer days are long gone.
Cold winter nights are moving nearer.

Farewell to the enduring happiness.
Farewell to all the pain.
Farewell to emptiness.
Farewell to being alone.

Good-bye to what used to be.
Good-bye to all the friends,
I may leave behind.
This body, consumed with so much hurt.
I can’t handle everyone’s problems.

Farewell to this place.
Farewell to all the feelings.
Farewell to what used to be.
Farewell is the last of my words.

 


You’re always on my mind.
You won’t leave.
It makes me sad,
’cause I don’t have you.
With each passing moment,
I miss you even more.
I can’t seem to keep you in my grasp.
You slip through my fingers,
Everytime.
With each passing moment,
The thought of you gets stronger.
I want you even more.
I can’t have you,
’cause you don’t want me.
So I’ll sit here,
Drowning in my sorrow,
Knowing eventually
My sorrow will end.
Thoughts of not having you,
Cross through my mind.
My heart aches until it’s
Pieces on the floor.
I need you right now.
I have to wonder,
Will you come to me,
In my time of need.

 


How could you,
Shoot yourself,
Leaving all your
Family and friends in pain?

How could you,
Shoot yourself,
So close to christmas?

You had everything
Going for you.

How could you,
Devastate everyone
That cared?

How could you,
Not ask for help?

How could you,
Break all our hearts?
When we could have
done somethin
g.

The biggest question is
How could you?

 

Dedicated To Skyler Cullitan (R.I.P  12-10-2004).

 


 

 

How fooled we were,
To think that day was normal.
It was anything but normal.

We heard someone had a gun.
We got scared for our family and friends.
We couldn’t get to them,
The school was locked down.

We heard someone fired that gun.
They said he shot himself.
Someone said it was Skyler.
Other’s didn’t want to believe,
In my heart I knew.

I was in shock.
I couldn’t breath.
I didn’t want to believe.
We thought he was happy.
How fooled we were.

They said he was in stable condition.
So, I was able to pick up some of
The pieces of my heart.
We got that dreadful phone call.

He said you died.
I dropped all the pieces to my heart.
I was crushed.
I broke down in tears.

Didn’t know how I was
Going to make it.
But I did.
How fooled we were,
To believe you had been happy
All those years.

 

Dedicated To Skyler Cullitan (R.I.P 12-10-2004).

 


This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
What did you do to me?
To have me feeling the way I do about you.
 
I can’t stop thinking about you.
When I hear your voice it makes me smile.
Everytime I see you my heart leaps.
 
I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to fall for anybody.
Now look at me.
I’ve done exactly what I said I wasn’t.
 
I think about you all the time.
I want to see you everyday.
It makes me sad ’cause I don’t get to see
Or talk to you everyday.
 
But I’m happy this has happened to me.
I’ve never felt like this for anybody.
It made me realize that I can love again.
And be able to be happy.
So maybe you are something special for me to keep.
I just wish I knew exactly how you felt about me.
 

This was written on April 24, 2007.

 


 

 

Why did you do this to me?
You had me really feeling you.
Then you had to shatter it all.
 
Why did you do this to me?
You told me all this sweet stuff.
Were you just saying all the right things?
Did you mean anything you told me?
 
Why did you do this to me?
Everything I said to you,
Everything I said about my feeling,
Everything I told you about myself,
Was TRUE.
 
Why did you do this to me?
Please tell me.
Let me know what I did so wrong.
Just tell me what’s going on with you.
Please tell me how much of what you said was TRUE.
Just tell me you don’t want me anymore.
Then you can tell me.
Why did you do this to me?
 

This was written on April 24, 2007.

 


 

 

You said you wouldn’t leave.
You promised that you would stay.
In the end all you left were broken promises.
 
You must be good at what you do.
Telling a girl all those sweet things.
You talked about everything with her.
Marriage, Family.
You promised her everything.
 
Why do it when all your gonna do is leave.
In the end all you leave her with
Is a crushed dream,
A shattered heart and broken promises.

 


I thought we were happy together.
But like all the rest,
We were destined for failure.
 
You said you loved me,
But you had to go.
All I could do was
Watch you walk away.
 
Now that your gone,
I think of us.
All I’m left with are the memories.
 
The memories make me sad,
’Cause you were the one
That got me to open my heart again.
But now your gone and not coming back.
 
So now I guess I must move on.
And maybe the next guy,
Won’t break me like you did.

 


 

 

Hate is such a strong word to use.
For you I think it will suffice.
I hate that you let me love you,
Knowing it was based on lies.
I hate that you made me cry,
Night after night.
I hate that you left,
Without even saying goodbye.
And how you say you still love me,
When you can’t even tell me the truth.
So now I have to make myself hate you,
Even though you still hold my heart.

 


 

 

Sitting here with tears streaming down my face.
Thinking about us and what could have been.
We talked about everything.
Well, obviously not everything,
There was so much that you lied about.
You were my best friend.
We could have been happy together.
We could have had a family.
You shattered that dream with your lies.
You lied for a reason,
That reason I don’t know.
You lied about so much.
The one lie that hurts the most,
You lied about being married.
I don’t know why everyone feels
They have to lie to me.
I deserve better than a bunch of lies.

 


 

 

Disgusted by the memories of you.
How you lied so easily,
To someone who loved you so much.
Didn’t think twice,
How your lies would affect me.
Now you’re gone,
Without a simple goodbye baby,
I won’t be back.
My mind is filled,
With your disgusting lies.
You finally broke me.
I can’t trust another,
For fear of more disgusting lies.
All I’m left with is a memory,
Of you with your smug smile,
It disgust’s me.

 


 

 

You achieved your goal,
You broke me down,
Until there was nothing left.
Then I got strong enough,
To leave you behind.
 
I still feel weak at times.
My hands get shaky,
Stomach turns to knots,
Thoughts get fuzzy.
Can’t think of anything,
But what you told me.
 
You said they would always leave.
Made me think I wasn’t good enough,
But I realized the truth.
You were the one that wasn’t
Good enough.
 
You didn’t get the chance,
To inflict physical pain upon me.
You inflicted so much
Emotional pain though.
I’m getting stronger everyday.
Without you there,
To break me.

 


Can you see me?
Or do you choose to ignore me?
I see you everyday,
With your new friends.
I see you tossing me to the curb,
For your "new" friends.
You get bored with them
And you pick me back up.
 
Do you see what your doing to me?
I wonder if you do it on purpose.
I get my answer everyday with your damn smile.
I’ve become invisible, to you.
You don’t care.
You don’t see my pain and anger.
You put on a smile and walk away.
I can’t deal with it no more.
So i’m saying good-bye dear person,
With all the pain you’ve caused.
We are friends no more.

 


Sitting in her corner, thinking.
Hating herself for always thinking.
Though everyone says it’s okay.
 
She does drugs, drinks, and parties.
Hoping someone will stop her from slowly killing herself.
No one budges.
Yelling hateful words at the world.
No one can hear her desperate cry for help.
 
Slowly, she kills herself.
Razor blade in hand,
Threatening to ruin her skin.
Cuts only a little bit.
Not ready to give up just yet.
Crying for everyone to look at what she does.
 
Broke down,
Crying in her corner,
Blade in hand, once again
Threatening to end her life.
 
Convinced,
. . .No one cares.
Cutting, both wrists,
Watching them bleed.
Knowing she was dead,
From the get-go.
 
"No one will miss me"
. . .She says
 
In her corner,
Letting out her last breath.
A final cry for help.
Toppling, to the floor, dead.
No one came to save her.
 
Now, everyone looks at her through tearful eyes.
This sweet and beautiful girl lying motionless.
Realizing they could have made a difference, to her.
Instead they turned a blind eye.
Not listening to her plea,
. . .No, her cry for help.
They didn’t see her until it was too late.
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