As soon as I would decide to start,I'd stall. Could it be because there is no way to find my story's beginnings? For there is none, actually. At least, none that were formal. You know, formalities, like introductions; things that would go like:"Once upon a time". It's funny to fancy that, to long for my long gone past, when as a child the world is a make believe one. I am now a grown up, And I am growing old! And, have I forgotten good manners for doing away with formalities? 🙂
But right now I am thinking. I can proceed from nothing. From nothing the entire creation came about. I am no atheist. Of course, I believe that creation is God's thing and not for me to question. But sure it inspired me some insight. Like proceeding from nothing.
Whether God did it out of spontaneity or premeditated it, again, it is not for me to ask. For certain, there was the desire to do so. Or else, it was by mere accident? Excuse me for juxtaposing my situation besides God's during His moment of Creation. I know my philosophizing is just paltry and petty but well, I am making some sense to it-to myself.
Originally, I needed a hinge to validly justify my situation right now: a) nothing to start with; b) to start with and from nothing; c) nothing else but the desire to start.
Out of nothing creation came about and I just simply found myself caught in the middle of its bizarre complexities and contradictions. After all, I am a part of the creation of the God of contrasts.
My story is born out of nothing. It is born out of spontaneity. No formal beginnings marking it. Just me realizing too, that I am caught in the middle of it and simply meandered off.
My story is as spontaneous as my first wail when I came out of my mother's womb. As spontaneous as my growing old.
Actually, spontaneity is nature's formality. It is but natural formality regardless if it is involuntary. Formalities born out of volition is unnatural formality no matter if this is done voluntarily.
Like when one lets out a loud burp unintentionally not being able to suppress it, is it a sleight of manners? Having not intercepted it with unnatural formality? Unnatural formalities are socially acceptable because in society we shouldn't be donning our ugliness. Burping is considered as part of that ugliness that must be dealt with in private and by us alone. The kind of ugliness only our own selves can first love or hate completely and entirely.
These days, a lot of people would flaunt their ugliness next to their beauty in public without qualms. That is how to be "just be myself". And it's amazing how the modern mind is dealing with it. Anyway, it is openness, unpretentiousness, naturalness, candidness…in other words-it's spontaneity! Like Paris, Britney, even church leaders, even presidents, and other known personalities.
I suppose this is part of getting public. You can't live in a lie for long and better to live in truth! Because the ugliness just unwraps itself spontaneously. I wonder if Britney can still manage to interrupt an embarrasing burp without having to remember that she is wearing nothing underneath.
At this point, I remember this favorite quote:
"Democracy is resplendently robed in all its nakedness. Tyranny is obscenely naked in all its finery."
You may find the quote misplaced but it's appearance here is as spontaneous as my meander.
Suppressing our spontaneity like tucking our extra fats, ironing our wrinkles is vanity in its viscious form.
In trying to mitigate the social blunder of the unsuppressed burp, one would add the appropriate unnatural formality like "excuse me". Indeed, spontaneity must also be in the order of things. When it is uncalled for, out of place, it would give birth to the so called "accidents".
Let us go back to the creation issue. To: starting from and with nothing. (Let us set aside the thought that creation came into being in its own accord. I am no atheist. God did creation.) Was God's act of creation unsuppressed spontaneity? Unthinkable! Impossible! (And besides, it is not for me to ask.)
Then what about Adam and Eve's spontaneity when they took a bite of the forbidden fruit? And what about the snake"s invitation?I have the feeling the latter's was premeditated. 🙂 Where did the snake perhaps learn about unnatural formalities? This could have motivated him to premeditate beforehand.
So, was Adam and Eve's spontaneity uncalled for? And the rest of us came about by accident? Or perhaps, theirs was spontaneity in all its pure, perfectly innocent form?
Hey, hey! Whence and where? This story? …simply caught in the middle of it and meandered off.
Stories without beginnings do not find their endings. Before it gets there its lost.