Its 1:15 am. Cant sleep. I decided i will change from college course, still the same school but something else. Im scared, undecided, insecure and anxious about my future.
I started taking a higher dosis of prozac since last thursday and i wonder if that may be the reason of me going back down. Maybe my body has to get used to it, i dont know. But im shaking, anxious, unbalanced and feeling dissy. Im laying on the bed trying to find some peace. If tomorrow i feel the same way im going to call my doctor. I will try to go out of the house tomorrow.
Im not going to class tommorow since im going to start another course but i do have an appointment on tuesday to start with the process of changing. I dont think there is much to do and hopefully i can start this week. Its still early to change so i wont have any problems, maybe someday when im older and feeling better i will do this one again, but right now i must acknowledge that i cant make it in this situation, its to hard for me so i will choose somethign easier first. Then atleast afterwards ill have a good job and can start saving to do the things i want to do. It seems much more of a relaxed course and i realise i need that right now, it hurts that im not able to do certain things right now but i guess i can do it when i get better. I feel stupid for making bad decisions over and over. I hope the school counselour can help me. Ifeel scared about my future because i dont know which path to choose or not even in which path i want to be.
I did go take a small and fast 5 minute walk this morning because i didnt go out since thursday. Usually when i stay in a few days i get panic attacks when i have to go out again. So im going to try to go outside everyday even if it is for 5 minutes. Tomorrow will be a new and hopefully a better day.