Lord, what is wrong with me? I have all day every day to do so much. I have so much fear and so much apprehension. I wait for the right thing to fall into place for me to move ahead, and every day passes with nothing new. I’m always afraid of what the husband will say or do, yet here I have this wonderful place with wonderful pets. I feel useless and worthless. I spent today catching up on some things, running all day from needless thing to needless thing, helping my kid outside, doing things that didn’t matter and weren’t on my list. I check the email all day long to see who I can chat with. I think think think but don’t do anything. I’m so sick of myself and my life and my lack and my everything. I barely even enjoy my horses anymore. If something doesn’t change soon I’m not sure what I’ll do. Please help me to hear your voice, please direct me, move me, speak to me, give me the push to do what I should be doing. I want to live the life you’ve chosen and to serve you and glorify you by the fruit of the labors I should be doing for you, but I have no idea of anything anymore and need you to move me, make me live. I am dying a slow death.

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