Im trying to shift out of neutral today…because taking too many recreational drugs is no replacement for my scriped medications. BInging  has been fun but leaves me feeling ground to the bone.  Vitamins: so neurotic about taking them in fear of all the depletion from this recent abuse.   The sun is too bright to go outside.

The cocktail of Risperadone, Clonazepan, Clonidine, Celexa, Lamictal, Fish Oil, Glucosamine, Calcium, Magnesium, B12, and Bee Propolis gone down the gullet ought to do the trick, thus negating the need for rec drugs.  I worry about myself, and my inability to resist…this is a warning sign of too much intake and too much inactivity.  Brew a cup of Chinese herbal Detox Tea.  Need to start caring about my soul more.

I have a job interview in my field on Tuesday. I have no expectations, but know Im well qualified, so Im gonna act like I own it anyhow.  Ive invited a handful of people over tonight for a party in my 400 sq ft studio. ha. tonight I will resist the substance around me, because I know it will be in my house. If anything, Ill get high on Yerba Mate Tea and sta up late, focused with my high friends.  I will be tattooing the guests tonight, and have drawn 3 sheets of flash art for them to choose tattos from. I love the art of tattooing. Administering pain takes away mine, even sprouts a chuckle out of me to see the tattooee sqiurm in discomfort, hahahaha! 

I dont care much about pain. Its been an uncontolled factor of my life for 21 years. My chronic pain can walk into the local bar and order a scotch and soda with lime. Im no cutter anymore (when I was cutting I used a Japanese wood block carving tool to cut designs into my arms then I would print them in my own blood in my sketch book, but now i have tendencies to burn myself…with cigarettes, incense sticks, sparlkers, whatever. Im a brander, Its a mega release for me and being able to control when the pain happens really gets my rocks off.  Scars are hidden, for the most part.  The same goes for tattooing myself.  I have been working on my legs and feet with th ol pokey machine,,, not only am i in control of my pain in this state, but I also must focus on maintaining control of the tattoo machine….double the pleasure, and it doesnt make me look as nuts as the burns do.

I conjured up a drawing while I was tripping on DMT last week, I just drew what I saw on the blank page, which turned out to be a Queen of Hearts Gypsy Girl, with psychadelic design incorporated throughout the piece. Its about 10"x4" and is going on my left inner calf sometime next week, when I am alone, with music on, and a valium added to my medication regimen.

Wish me luck resisting my urges tonight. Its time to shift gears, and start moving towards harmony.

Hope youre all having an enjoyable weekend,

~Todd

PS im not depressed today.  Thank you Mr Manic Me for emerging today…Time to clean!