i’m not quite sure how this site works yet. plus, it seems a little wonky on mobile but i have no computer.

im sure i can use these blog posts as a place to rant and ramble? though it’s embarrassing sharing this with the public, that’s what this website is here for so hopefully this doesn’t come across as edgy or anything, i just need to talk this out with myself!

mostly, it’s that my old stepdad has left me feeling bad even though he left in feburary.  he was a very bad person who did cocaine and beat my mom in front of me, he’d trap me in the hallways to tell me how horrible i was for asking him politely to not talk while he’s mad, he’d drink a lot, he leave me to sleep alone in an empty parking lot at some crazy time like 4am because it wasn’t safe to be at home and lots of other things. it was scary and a lot of the time, memories like that will come back often! well, it’d be a lot better if my mom didn’t try to fill the void with other men and then tell me that’s not what she’s doing!

she’s had 3 different men i believe. one was really sucky too, the other was sweet but she’s not into guys like that and the last is so new i know nothing about him. i dont want any boys in my life anymore. my biological father is was really bad, too! of course i dont trust them! and her ex boyfriends before my old stepdad sucked! she has terrible taste in men, hahah.

of course, i do love my mom more than anyone. she works every single day and is trying her best. she used to have really bad alcohol problems that have gotten significantly better now, but they’re still pretty bad when she loses 300 dollars when we’re tight on money!

speaking of which, we’re going from a house to a trailer. i can’t tell if it’s an upgrade or not. the positive is that this house is too hard to live in with bad memories attached, all the holes my old stepdad punched in the wall and all that. but then, i wont get my own room any more. that really sucks. lucky it’s not permanent, but usually things take triple the time she says they do. a couple of months could probably end up being a year, i wouldn’t be surprised. it’s not her fault, we don’t have the money but… still!

not to mention all my assignments are due tomorrow and i haven’t done any! i wake up at 5 but can’t ever sleep so i toss and turn in bed nonstop, leaving to hardly get any sleep. no matter how hard i try, i always sleep all day if i even dare sit down. my grades are awful and school only recently started. i need to talk to the counselor or something. i was supposed to get a special plan from my jr. high’s councilor to help with school, but it never happened! so im screeewweeedd!

anyways, i guess that’s all for now. i need to get started on my chores. it’s 9:30pm and im supposed to do a lot. (uhh! i got this! i’ll make it!)