So, it's been just over two weeks, off my meds…I haven't noticed a change yet, except the lack of sleep. I am losing interest in school and I am becoming more angry easily…but this is me..or I like to tell myself. I used to like me before calming medications. School has changed me, to the point where I can see from two opposite sides. Feel empathaic and see things and people for who they are…or am I back to being me…afraid of people and talking outloud for fear of saying the wrong thing..or by asking a stupid question and being told I'm annoying…I don't know…or trying to make my point and coming off too aggressive. I'm not sure if it's coming off my meds, or school that is doing this. It's a real good possiblility that it's school. I mean it's social work for pete's sake….

My daughter had her surgery, I stayed with her from the moment she came out until this morning..I never really left her side. I even crawled into the hospital bed with her. My kids are always going to be my priority..that is the old  me…so that's a great thing…I'm not being selfish, or mean to anyone..I'm withdrawing though…weird…

I realized tonight I will never have the close relationship with my sister again, she has never been in my driveway…and not said hi or bye…It feels weird, but I can't freak out…it's not about me…like I always thought…we're just not close. I envy anyone out there who is close to their siblings…I don't have that..and long for it all the time..as i do a best friend..but deep down inside..I know that will never happen..not because I'm mean or people haven't tried…I've realized I just won't let anyone in…i retreat at the first hint of getting close..and it always causes me the friendship…damn!

 

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