So for just about my entire life I've wanted to become great, i stressed to myself the importance of doing this and applied myself completely to whatever i did. Up until grade 6 or 7 i had my first bad anxiety attack after wiping out super hard on my skateboard which further led to me getting diagnosed with ocd. Id be sitting on my stairs up to my room begging for my parents for bad thoughts to stop and that i couldn't get to sleep and that i was terrified for school the next day. In response my loving caring parents would at first be confused as to why i was feeling this way but eventually it led to them becoming more fustrated then me and yelling at me to go to bed. My ocd would get so bad between the ages of 13-16 that i could've sworn my entire family, me included would die of anything, random disease, car accident, die in their sleep especially was one compulsive thought that would continuously run through my mind over and over and it was terrible. Today im 21 years old and those thoughts don't cross my mind but after some deep thinking and contemplating i've come to realize it's not that i dont have ocd i just feel ive kinda grown to let it become a part of me with acceptance. I realized this just maybe 2 days ago when i was brushing my teeth and i turned to go to my room and I realize how much weight i had loss lately, it almost put me in shock. A big dream of mine is to become a great martial artist (That was what i chose cause i feel it's what i can go furthest in.) this dream has caussed me to work out non stop and apply myself nearly daily to martial arts and strenghtening my own body which i love doing but the last week or so i hadn't been doing anything to help myself even though i was at the gym. I begun to stop eating foods with high sodium or lots of fat but realized i hadnt been eating very much at all in pursue of my goal. It scared me 2 days ago at how single minded i've been in pursuit of what makes me feel good and the last 2 days i've just been relaxing and eating my face off haha. Just would like to let everyone know that just because we have ocd it doesn't mean we can't accomplish anything we wish too and that in fact we may have the power to go further then the average person if we so choose to do that. At the same time OCD can hinder our lives greatly and pull us in certain directions or give us thoughts we don't want to experience. As my dad always says gotta take the good with the bad so afterall i feel the last few weeks have been a positive experience and i hope to reflect even more in the upcoming ones. I guess the point of this blog was just to share a bit of myself with everyone cause i dont know many people on here at all. anyways hope everyone is doing great and that people are using OCD as a positive as well as facing and controlling the negative side. cheers 🙂

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