i am so ready to go home. have been staying with my daughter this week and i am so ready to go back home. the youngest of the 3 granddaughters just got in trouble again…the middle child has celebrated her birhtday all week and thinks she is just hot stuff…..the oldest, thank god, has been at her friend's house since thursday. all have spent the nights at friends, and the fall out of those nights are here now. todays plan was to go sledding, but since no one would admit who let pizza fall on the floor and not clean it up and other stuff……..i found the pizza and it wasn't so much it fell but nobody would say why and how or when…..so they lied to me, blondie knew, mouthy told on her. i need air, my own space again. i love the girls but i am not and know now not the mothering type. it is truly a wonder that my daughter survived ! she is a good mom to the 3 and all the others that show up. i think i was jealous of her for a long time but i know she has the rough days too. if that wonderful word if i had this if i had that would i be where i am now? i would be homeless, unloved, perhaps dead. friends helped me to have a roof over my head, my daughter and granddaughters do love me, and i got help when i needed it the most when i had the heart attack. i know now too the heart attack would not have killed me,,,, but it was a wake up call.to lose weight, check bp and other health issues. mentally i am better, i will always suffer from depression recognizing when i am in worse shape than other times. i see so much despair on these pages that i want to say suck it up, stand on your own two feet and take the next step. i also don/t practice what i preach, i should get up get dressed and say take me home. let me live in solitude, i will see you when it is time for the next dr appointment. or in 2 weeks when i need groceries again. life does suck only when we let it.


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