I swear, the next person who shows me that picture of vagina cupcakes and says "Oh wowyou should make these!"…I'm probably gonna hurt them.

I know, I know–I'm a feminist, the former president of the women's group on campus, I love food and have a special weakness for cupcakes, oh and I'm currently a lesbian. Yay. So obviously vagina cupcakes are for me! I should be wowed! My mind should be BLOWN! Vagina cupcakes! Who knew! What genius was it that drew the connection between sexualization of foodin advertising and women's bodies, then fiilled in the absent refferent by literally sexualizing the cupcakes? And lets not forget the obvious pun of literally "eating out" a little vagina cupcake…

Yes, that's what I'd be saying. If I hadn't been shown them a thousand times. In fact I might have been saying that if I wasn't such a food snob to begin with. I mean first of all, these stupid cupcakes, they have vaginas made of fondant on them. Fondant. Big deal, I know, but you see, I'm a cupcake purist. Cupcakes are supposed to be light. Fluffy. Little petite bits of joy you can stuff your face with. With a cupcake you get one chance to make an impression, whereas a cake…well, you have the whole cake to make an impression with. Cupcakes are simple. They're like the zen of baked goods. Meanwhile, fondant…fondant is just so…heavy.

That's all I can think of. Heavy. Thick. Overbearing. Too present. No whimsy there. No joy. In fact, no face stuffing either. You can't stuff your face while you're choking back thick sugary fondant.

I really hate fondant.

Another problem with these cupcakes is, they're EVERYWHERE! Like, you google "vagina cupcakes" and it's the only picture to come up. 'Cause apparently only one person, ever, decided to make35 vagina cupcakes. For a class project or something. I'm sick of this picture.

Another another problem is, I'm a little bit more complex than that. I will not be tokenized because I eat pussy. Vaginas are cool, but I'm not obsessed with all things vagina. So vagina cupcakes are not wow-worthy to me. They're actually…a little wierd. I mean who's idea was it to make35 vagina cupcakes one day? Who thinks of it, then actually follows through on such a grand scale?

I dunno, but to me its someone with too much time on their hands. So no, I won't be making them! That's rediculous. I'm gonna go eat some couscous.

2 Comments
  1. alynna 9 years ago

     shouldnt they be called vulva cupcakes anyway

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  2. mspatola 9 years ago

    Thank, DarkKnight! And Alynna, so true. Calling the vulva cupcakes actually sounds a little better, too aha

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