hello everyone !im writing this blog for myself as well as others to see if this is an anxiety thing or if its just me.all my life i was outgoing , happy , carefree ect….i am very  nice and always think of others and put my self last! i am 36 now and been married twice i give all i can in my relation ships and i am always alone , i honestley feel like i am a roomate i wk all the time make ok money and i always pay half of everything . in this marriage i never talk with my husband about anything because if i do he judges me . he picks on me because i have to take meds and because im on this site , as outgoing as i am i choose not to have any freinds because i dont trust them , im always asked to go to lunch or gatherings and i make an excuse in y i cant go ,the truth is i sit alone at lunch for 1 hr and i sometimes want to go but dont why? when i get home i am a lone and dont talk on the phone with anyone and when he gets home he dosnt talk to me anyway so i stay alone again , he does say things that bother me but as years went on i agnore him and drew colder . why explain how i feel when he wont fix it anyway so whats the use ! did u know i been married almost 2 yrs and dont have a wedding band? but hell buy a 350.00 radio ect,, i gave up hoping for 1 could i buy 1 yes but will i no!! so ya im stuck in this world alone , its not like i cant have anyone i can have anyone i want but the truth is it will turn out the same ! and im getting to old to start over so i stay.my kids are older now and i wk and spoil my kids and give them what ever they want  why because there the only ones who make me smile and i trust am i alone here? u know what i am so happy when isee happy couples and hope 1 day gos will reward me but i wont try ill wait , anyways after the holidays i am going to put my money into me and go tanning ect not for others but for me !! i am not sad just here with all my marriages even the kids dad they say there your kids and u know what they are mine and im glad i had them sometimes i feel bad because they never had a dad so thats probably y i spoil them i had them since 17 and there such good kids 1 is graduated and i have 1 left then were will i be? i pay for all there clothes, food , b-days ect all alone always did , and i have been sick for 1 week now and my hubby never even asked me if i was ok ? he talked on phone even though he didnt care i really dont mind kind of use to it so my question is what is life suppose to b like ? is there true love out there ? well thats all for now but im glad i have u guys i really am even though ill never meet u guys