Today I signed up to this site after another dramatic mood swing which feels almost unbearable.
A little about me, I am 21 years old with S.A.D and have felt spouts of depresion since a very young age. Used to self harm and use various negative methods to cope with the feelings I felt but was unable to process. Haven't self harmed in six months and nine months before that isolated event. I go to university in a little Welsh villiage and almost entirely hate my life here which makes me feel lonely and unsupported.
In the last few weeks I had felt almost like I had come out of this bit of the storm, I cant recal feeling as amazing as I did even last thursday for an extremely long time – I couldn't even say how many years it has been. And for some reason, despite having the things which had brought me to the state of bliss I was in, I crashed, unexpectedly and it has hit me hard, because I spend far less time indepressive states as I have grown older but when it hits me, it hits hard and sudden and fast and I no longer how to cope with it. All I know is I fantacise about suicide when I am like this, despite all the wonderful things going for me, and me knowing that everything this voice in my head is telling me is untrue, and the that I am not a dissapoint for needing support with this; and this makes me feel crazy for being able to see the reality as if looking upon myself and my judgement as a third person.
I need to start tackling this head on and not just when the sun doesn't shine for me, because it is getting harder and harder to manage my mood swings and I am afraid if I let myself slip into old habbits I won't stop.