The mood I chose was "lonely", but that is a constant, a given. How can you feel just one thing—it is all wrapped together–loneliness, anger, sadness, fear, hopelessness, I found this website because I don’t know where else to turn. I go to a psychiatrist and a therapist for almost three years. I have been on meds for years and years—and yet I feel I am falling further and further. I can’t break my fall….. I can’t stop it. My therapist yawns and talks on the phone while I am there. She tells me not to get Saturday appointments after I tell her Fridays are the hardest, most awful day of the week for me. My psychiatrist is following up on changing my meds because i suspect I may be bipolar. But the meds I started in addition to my antidepressant/sleeping/ tranquilizing meds, are not helping so far. I feel worse than ever. Everybody seems to think I should be over my losses. I don’t want to lose my job, but everyday it gets harder to function. i should be healing from losses, but the pain is getting worse, not better. I keep a journal–my "hatred & anger journal"–but it doesn’t help much. I have no one, absolutely no one, in my life who gives a damn about me. I often joke that i could lay dead in my house and no one would know for the longest–my dog would probably have feasted on my remains before anybody even checked or anything. I have one sister. She lives 50 miles away she was all chummy until her husband came home from Afghanistan–now she doesn’t even answer the phone, or call back if I leave a message. I can go on and on—It’s too much anymore–No one understands this. Maybe somebody here does….