When i wrote my last blog i had been doing alot of soul searching and dredgiing up the past , a past i would almost rather forget. I was with my counsellor , and i spoke alot about my past and how it still hurts me to this day.I barely ever talk about my past or how i was treated as a child by my father and i think it brought back alot of self doubt and reminded me of the lost little scared child i was with no confidence and i guess i started to portray those fellings. It really pisses me off that to this day,even when i think about my da i still get those feelings. I hate that he still has that effect on me, but, i feel alot better since i have realised that that's why i was feeling bad about myself. I suppose all i have to do now is work on those feelings and deal with my issues from the past so i can stop them making me feel bad now , today. I dont think its going to be easy but in a way i feel happy and excited at the prospect of being able to think about the past and not feel a rage inside me or to be able to talk to someone about it and then NOT feel like crap for days. It seems ive alot of work to do then!!
Thanks for all your support and kind comments everyone. Its so nice to have a place and people i can just really be myself around. No secrets. I dont have to pretned im not a recovering addict, or im not angry because i was treated badly or im not desressed some days, so, for that – i have to thank you all xx