Ever since Jr. High iv’e had these recurring dreams. They are never the same dream, but the theme behind the dreams are always the same. They always leave me with the same empty feeling that sticks with me through most of the next day. When the dreams first started, I would be walking into a my first class of the day and see my friends. As I would walk up to my friends to join them in their conversation, they would basically pretend I didn’t even exist. Another version of the same dream, I would arrive to the class first and be waiting for my friends to show up and when they did, I would wave and say hi and they would again treat me as if I didn’t exist. The dream last night involved my roommate, we were supposed to go somewhere together and I was excited for whatever it was, but he left without me and when I called to get the address of wherever it was we were going, he wouldn’t answer because he didn’t want me to go. This dream I could tell was influenced by something that happened last week. My roommate and I work together and carpool a couple times a week. Last week there was a day he forgot we carpooled and he left a little early. When I went outside and realized he had left without me, I called him and asked where he was and he still didn’t remember that he was my ride until I actually said “you were my ride today.”. He came back to get me and I know he didn’t do it on purpose and I shouldn’t read too much into it, he just had a long day and was excited to get home. Yet it brought back all the same feelings I get from these dreams. I felt like I didn’t matter and that I was worthless. It makes me feel like I could just disappear and nobody would actually mind. These dreams and the being forgotten make me feel so empty and dark inside that I just want to crawl into a dark hole and not come out. As much as I try to fight these feelings, I just can’t hold them back. They always come back and every time it takes all I have to get myself back out of that dark place and I never seem to get out, I always end up slipping back in sooner or later.

2 Comments
  1. delane1 3 years ago

    ***hugs***
    i’m so sorry for the pain you’ve been dealt, troubledboy.
    i can totally relate to some of your feelings. You’re definitely NOT alone.

    Have you spoken to your roommate about any of your own history? Have you spoken with anyone about your history?

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    • Author
      troubledboy 3 years ago

      I have not spoken to anyone about my depression. My roommate has his own issues he’s dealing with, so I don’t really want to bother him with my problems. My family is the type that just thinks you should get over things.

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