Hey everyone! Hope everyone is doing well. I finally have my laptop back! Soplease exuse my long post Im just so happy to be using a keyboard! My mom hosted a baby shower last weekend it went ok. I helped clean and cook. The cooking was a little stressfull I had to keep washing my hands because I do not want to get germs on other peoples food in case i get them sick and they die and it is because of me <— i hate my brain. There were adults and kids so I tried to interact as much as possible because I know I must expose myself and overcome my anxiety. Intrusive thoughts are so freaking horrible seriously I would not wish them on anyone!! Sorry had to get that out. Anyway Im feeling kinda guilty. Before I went to see a therapist I would read OCDblogs of others online on sites that you did not have to belong to so after going and getting on meds I randomely joinedthe tribebecause you had to be a user to view posts. Which was great because all of you give me strength through your encouragment and your own stories. But i have not told my boyfriend yet and today i had this site open on my phone and he was sitting by it and i started getting extremely anxious he would grab my phone and see it and flip out. We have been together since we were 16 and I love him so much but he will not even let me have a Facebook. So now I feel guilty because I am hiding this from him. Mostly because he always tells me to stay off the internet not to research my ocd because he thinks it isbad for me. Like ignoring it will make it better? I know I should tell him but then he might want my password and stuff and I feel like this is private for me. This is my own struggle and I would rather talk to people who understand me and will not judge me, I do not want him to read my blogs or anything. On the other handI do not want to lie and by not telling him it is almost like I amhiding something from him.Any advice?

  1. laurzaffle 9 years ago

    Thanks for the advise! Im going to talk to him soon I have therapy today so I think ill also talk to my therapist about it. He is really not a bad guy he might be a little overbearing but I feel like that is a little bit my fault. I let him because some times im trapped in my head so much not making decision for myself is easier… I know pathetic right? Thanks again for your comments.

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  2. laurzaffle 9 years ago

    No he doesn't have a facebook either. He doesn't believe in social networking I guess. I dont think he would break my laptop though He did break my cell phone once because I was talking to one of my ex boyfriends but that was four years ago and I was being dumb and I should not have been talking to him. We have both grown up so maybe I should just bite the bullet tell him and if he acts like a child I will know that hes not ready. But seriously he is a great guy he knows all of my obsessions and doesn't judge me he tries to make me laugh and comfort me. I think he maybe in a little bit of denial but who wouldn't when you think your gf is fine and then she tells you about her intrusive thoughts and ocd. I dont know thanks for helping me out guys I hope you all have a good day.

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