Hey everyone! Hope everyone is doing well. I finally have my laptop back! Soplease exuse my long post Im just so happy to be using a keyboard! My mom hosted a baby shower last weekend it went ok. I helped clean and cook. The cooking was a little stressfull I had to keep washing my hands because I do not want to get germs on other peoples food in case i get them sick and they die and it is because of me <— i hate my brain. There were adults and kids so I tried to interact as much as possible because I know I must expose myself and overcome my anxiety. Intrusive thoughts are so freaking horrible seriously I would not wish them on anyone!! Sorry had to get that out. Anyway Im feeling kinda guilty. Before I went to see a therapist I would read OCDblogs of others online on sites that you did not have to belong to so after going and getting on meds I randomely joinedthe tribebecause you had to be a user to view posts. Which was great because all of you give me strength through your encouragment and your own stories. But i have not told my boyfriend yet and today i had this site open on my phone and he was sitting by it and i started getting extremely anxious he would grab my phone and see it and flip out. We have been together since we were 16 and I love him so much but he will not even let me have a Facebook. So now I feel guilty because I am hiding this from him. Mostly because he always tells me to stay off the internet not to research my ocd because he thinks it isbad for me. Like ignoring it will make it better? I know I should tell him but then he might want my password and stuff and I feel like this is private for me. This is my own struggle and I would rather talk to people who understand me and will not judge me, I do not want him to read my blogs or anything. On the other handI do not want to lie and by not telling him it is almost like I amhiding something from him.Any advice?