I hate hate hate dreams relating to OCD, hate them! A few years ago at the OCD National Conference I learned that medication used to treat OCD can cause very vivid dreams, which can sometimes be pretty darn cool provided that the dreams are happy ones. But those same vivid dreams are also such a terrible nuisance at times. Somedays, despite sleeping 8-9 hours, I wake up totally exhausted. I'm sure there are a variety of causes for this, but I attribute it, at least in part, to the fact that my brain is still working on overtime in my sleep. It's an accomplishment to get through a whole day without a nap, and some days I manage to doze off for at least a few seconds in every class. I've had teachers call me out on it before, sometimes in front of the class, and of course that leads to an increase in anxiety and embarrassment, just what I need. I've taken some medications to attempt to help, but the one that seemed to do the best job of helping me sleep well and wake up rested also gave me terrible headaches. So much for that. But coffee helps and I manage. The next less desirable aspect of vivid dreams in when those dreams relate to OCD fears. I deal with these issues all day, do I really need to confront them in my sleep as well? And why do they have to be so darn vivid? The typical OCD dream involves someone I love dearly being afflicted with one of my greatest fears, or coming in contact with it. It bothers me so much. Sometimes I feel like it's a sign from God that what happened in the dream is actually going to happen, other times I worry that something bad will happen because I dreamed it. Isn't it enough to worry through the waking hours? Geeze, I just want a break sometimes!
But besides that, no other complaints for the day. I actually feel like I'm managing pretty well. I know that is all relative and a normal person probably would not consider some of my behaviors normal or things that a well adjusted person would do, but for me things are good. Some days are better than others, but I'm dealing and getting by. And I found out I was awarded a department scholarship for next semester which is a huge blessing financially. Little things like that can go such a long way in lifting my mood and my spirits, and a good mood certainly doesn't hurt my OCD!