A friend was just lamenting over a relative who came into some money. She immediately got in touch with her abusive ex, gave him all her bank account information and invited him to move back in…my friend was so frustrated she doesn't ever want to see this relative again….she says she needs to totally detach.
This morning I read the news story about the female astronaut (Lisa Kovak) who drove 900 miles (in a diaper so she wouldn't have to stop) so she could catch up with an confront another woman who was seeing a pilot that Novak had a “close but not intimate” relationship with? Look at the before and after pictures…they look like a meth addict's before and afters! This is a highly trained, skillfully psychologically and physically tested and SCREENED woman!
Honestly, for some of us, men (and/or bad relationships) are a drug. No matter how poorly we are treated, we feel we can't live without the person and we will go to any lengths to keep them in our lives, KNOWING we are hurting OURSELVES again and again! We trust the untrustworthy!
I know my friend's frustration; you can't even blame “The GUY” for this. Of course he's going to accept whatever she offers him and although he may be a creep and taking advantage of her, SHE is responsible and SHE needs help. It seems like a**holes are the drug of choice for some of us…..we even say that…like we're a magnet…but THERE IS A WAY OUT!”
If the “magnet” is an addict or alcolholic that has to be addressed first, but if not, [b]CoDA[/b] is a good start! 1) It builds self esteem which is the big culprit (lack thereof) and 2) we get to look at our history (family..) and how we came to believe the erroneous and proposterous stuff we emulate in the first place so we can stop repeating those same mistakes.
It will take an emotional bottom …maybe this time when he leaves her high and dry….But CoDA really does help! I swear to GUS it does.
If I sound like this touched a nerve with me, well, YES, it did!!! Both my friend's story and the Kovak story did. They are the somehow the same..even though they seem different.
I supported a guy when I first came to the islands who smoked everything I made; he didn't work while I held down two jobs… He finally left me for another, more amenable addict. AFTER I ran out of money, that is… and I would probably have taken him back again had he not left island all together.
I know [b]now[/b] that what was MY fault. They were MY choices.
BUT …It was also all I knew how to do at the time.
I also re-lived some of experiences with my own family when my friend shared about her family member, and she's right. Detaching is about all you can do while someone's still into their “drug of choice”.