I hate it. not my past but the fact I was so happy and enjoying life and how I feel like I'll never see those days or feel like that again …it hurts.

I've been trying to get out and do the things I used to … calling up old friends and headding down to the irish pubs dancing and singing and being the outgoing fun person I used to be . . . So WHY the next day do I break down and feel like it was a mistake and I want to get away from myself again !!  I DONT get it at all . 

I've been trying to get rid of some of the stressors in my life ….. I said when I got my ocd and anxiety under control I would start working on everything else and things were going good but when my ocd or anxiety flares up it knocks me down again I get so frustrated and stressed out with it I just sit down and cry. There has been a lot of that lately… just wanting to get home from wherever I am so I can sit or lye down and have a good cry.  I cry until I'm numb/tired and then go to bed. 

today I woke up having an anxiety attack and woke up my boyfriend because I needed someone to talk to … after talking for 5 minutes he decided to jump up and head out for the day … now I'm here alone and I have no one to talk to the only two people I talk to about all this are him and my friend jenn and jenn is at work. I just wish he was a little more understanding … a little more loving  when it comes to that stuff … I'm thinking about going back to my psychologist … she's not exactly a friend as per say but it was nice to be able to sit down with someone and get everything out in the open and get a thoughtful response back … something that could help or make me feel better  🙁 

I dont know I think I'm rambeling now I just needed to do something besides lay in bed and think myself to tears ! 

I hope anyone who reads this is having a better day then me